Attention Friends

One thing I have learned over the past few years is that relationships change over time (as time becomes less and less available). We are in the same boat--running around like crazy people trying to keep up with life. Most are understanding, supportive and encouraging.  However there are a few who often say hurtful things or become annoyed because you (the friend) aren't contacting them enough (or you contact them one way, trying to make an effort and they get mad that you didn't contact them another way). I'm nice.  It takes a lot to make me no longer want to be nice to you.  Our lives may be the same or we may live in two completely different worlds.  I have a kid who can't play sports, who is still learning to do things that kids his age already know how to do, I have a schedule full of doctor's appointments, therapists, specialists and at home therapy work that keeps me hopping.  Not only this, but I have two other children who also need love and attention and I make sure they get that . . . each and every day. On top of this is the every day life stuff, you know, laundry, shopping, errands, cooking, cleaning and at the end of the day I get to sit with my husband for 30 minutes to an hour before we go to bed.  The next morning, the alarm goes off at 5:30 and we get up to do it all over again. I rarely get time to myself, much less talking to my friends every day. Not only this, but here are a few other things that I would like to share.

Please don't tell me that my son is a reminder that you have been blessed with "perfectly healthy" children.  I know people think that, but you don't say it out loud!  Alex IS perfect just the way he is--and he is an awesome blessing!

Also, don't accuse me of being a bad friend because I can't sit and shoot the breeze all the time.  We all have lives and I don't get annoyed at you when I don't hear from you (or when I DO hear from you all I hear is how busy you are), so please extend the same courtesy to me. I'm not snubbing you or ignoring you, I just have two hands that are very full at the moment and we are just trying to survive!

And, while I'm at it, please don't tell me you're tired of hearing me talk about "special needs."  You talk about your child playing sports, school, losing teeth and winning awards.  That is your world . . . special needs is mine. The older Alex gets the more issues arise and the more things we have to deal with. If you can talk about your child passing gas in the car or laughing so hard that milk comes out her nose, why can't I talk about my child's struggles and accomplishments?  I didn't know that I wasn't allowed to talk about him or that I was supposed to put a paper sack over his head and hide him away somewhere.

All children are blessings.  All parents have their own parenting issues, triumphs and failures to deal with, and we all have busy, crazy lives.  Don't get annoyed at people for not being who you think they need to be--maybe they're just trying to trudge through the muck of life right now and don't need you tossing mud balls at their head while they do it! I never said I was a perfect friend . . . or parent for that matter (Newsflash!  None of us are!). . . so please don't expect me to be!

Most of you will read this and KNOW it doesn't pertain to you. ;)  Yay!  One person said something to me and, well, here we are.  You knew when we became friends that my world was a crazy one, but that doesn't make me any less of a friend.

Oh, and one last thing . . . we're too old for this, man!  Come on!

You See Crazy (Or Strange), I See FUN!

I get a lot of comments on our house. I have been told we're "brave" to decorate it the way we do (because home decor is the true measure of bravery--who knew!)  I have been told by numerous people that they like it but could never do it in their own home.  I have been told that it's interesting, strange, crazy.  Some love it, some hate it.  We love art.  We love old stuff.  We love literature.  We encourage creativity, individuality and, well . . . FUN . . . in our home. My gremlins have told me time and time again how much they like their home.  "It's fun."  "It's cool."  "It's not boring!"  In my opinion, if those living there like it that is all that matters.  Our interests are part of what makes us who we are.  This crazy mix of things in our home illustrates part of who we are and we like it . . . just the way it is. ;) 

So, here's to creativity, individuality and FUN!  Embrace it! 

                      A few of Kaitlyn's MANY books as you enter the living room. 

                               The bar.  This is the gremlins' favorite breakfast spot. 

                                                           The living room.  

                                               More of the living room! 

                                                       Our dining room.

                                                           Kitchen sink

Coffee Bar!!

Just Be Thankful!

The gremlins ate a very healthy lunch of Chef Boyardee ravioli today.  When it was ready I placed Kaitlyn in her booster seat and told the boys it was time to eat. Logan smiled and said, "I'm glad ravioli was created."

These kids never cease to amaze me.  Logan especially has a big heart for others and is always thankful for what he has.  Sure, he has moments like the rest of us where he wishes he had something he doesn't have (We as adults do it, he's an 8-year-old boy, of course he's going to do it), but most of the time he is happy to eat whatever I serve him, he's happy to have shoes and clothes, even if they're hand-me-downs. He's just happy. He's also thankful. It occurred to me today that we could learn a lot from him.

We live in a society that judges people by the homes they live in, the cars they drive, the things they have, the clothes they wear, or how much money they have.  It can be a hard world to raise your children in.  Jacob and I have tried to teach our children from day one to be thankful for what they have, we try to teach them not to be wasteful, and most importantly, we try to teach them to get to know someone and make opinions about them based on their personality, not based on what they're wearing of where they live. Logan is at a really cool age because he really doesn't see a lot of differences between himself and others.

It is so easy to look at some one or meet some one for the first time and quickly make judgments and assumptions about them.  It's easy to get caught up in the money game and become engulfed with the "I wants" but we all need to be reminded from time to time to take a look around and be thankful for what we have.  This includes relationships with people--if you want to nurture important relationships, then treat that person with kindness and respect. It is hard to keep a healthy relationship if you are constantly criticizing and making negative comments.  This is why people say real relationships are few and far between.  Be thankful for those relationships that make you feel encouraged and loved. See?  We have a lot to be thankful for. ;)

Some day, when my timeline on earth stops, I don't want people to remember me as being selfish or critical.  I don't want people to remember me as being snobbish or acting superior.  I don't want people to remember me as being hateful or cruel. I don't want people to remember me as being controlling, bossy or pushy.  I want people to remember me as being kind. I want people to remember me as having a positive attitude and never making anyone feel bad about themselves. I want people to remember me as being accepting, loving, helpful, encouraging and thankful for all I have--whether it's a little or a lot, it's always enough.

Surely, if an 8-year-old boy can be thankful for Chef Boyardee Ravioli, we as adults can be thankful for so much more.

What Kind of Parent Are You?

As a parent you tend to notice how other parents treat their children.  I often watch other parents and think, "I hope I never treat my children that way."  For some reason I have encountered a lot of critical parents lately.  Sometimes I can't help but think about how these parents can be the worst kind.  They give their children everything they need, they even love their children, but they invest so much time and energy into making comments, criticizing and pointing out their children's flaws.  If your parents don't love you unconditionally then who will?  It just makes me sad for those children who just want to feel loved by their parents, but instead feel like they do nothing right because they are constantly met with negativity.  You are an adult.  You were given this child to love.  They should feel encouraged.  They should feel special.  They should feel as if they are making you proud.  To watch a child's happiness completely disappear and be replaced with an expression of hurt because of something their parents said to them is heartbreaking.  You can smile and act sweet around your friends.  You can post about what a great mother you are on social networks, you can even throw some religion in there for good measure, but if you are tearing down your child instead of lifting them up then there is something wrong with you.  I have encountered so many parents who are far from perfect, but expect perfection from their children.  It's not going to happen and making them feel bad about themselves is not going to give you the relationship you hope to have with them someday when they're an adult.  It is only going to push them away.

I'm talking to that mother in the waiting room who looks at her teenage son disapprovingly and says, "Why is your face so broken out?"  The kid glares at her, his face clouded with hurt and he slumps down in his chair. I'm talking to the parent who makes comments about his child's weight . . . to his child.  I'm talking about the parent who makes comments about their adult children when they see them and criticize them, whether they realize it or not.  Parents who question everything their children do and believe that pointing out areas that need improvement will help them be better people, when really you're just chiseling away a little bit of their happiness and bruising their self esteem with each comment or criticism they're met with.

I am not a perfect parent and I'm not raising perfect children.  I do my best, though.  Jacob and I both encourage our children every chance we get.  We don't point out imperfections or say anything that will make them feel bad about themselves.  We always try to focus on their positive qualities . . . and let me tell you, there are so many!  I pray I am still this mom when my children are older.  I pray I never make them feel bad about themselves through commenting on things in a negative way or through criticizing.  Even when I'm old I want to be a positive parent.  Children want relationships with positive parents who make them feel loved.  I never want to make any of my children feel bad about any part of themselves . . . that's what the world is for, not parents. There are days when I cannot believe the number of parents, especially those in the waiting room with their special needs children, who criticize their children.  We're here to love them and love them unconditionally (whether your child is 2, 15 or 40). Seeing these parents treat their children this way is a good reminder of how not to treat my children.

What kind of parent are you?  What kind of parent would your children say you are?

What If You Could Live In Your Bathtub?

It is funny how we grow and change over the years.  I recently came across some writing assignments I did for a creative writing course I took while in college. As I read some of the short stories and other pieces that I wrote for some of my classes I couldn't help but feel embarrassed, laugh and shake my head.  On a couple of them I actually thought, "This is so horrible!"  It happens.  Hopefully my writing is no longer "So horrible."  It is nice, however, to see that I have grown and mistakes I made back then (stupid mistakes) are no longer being made.

I came across one assignment that I did for a college course that is so ridiculous that it made me laugh.  The image of people living in their bathtubs, putting accessories on tubs as if they were cars to make them lazier, just made me laugh.  I thought I'd share it with you:

                       What If . . . You Could Live In Your Bathtub

    It has been said that many people prefer their bathtub as a place to relax. Some would live in their bathtubs if given the opportunity.  What if you could live in your bathtub? Instead of relaxing only when you found the time, you could relax permanently, and maybe go down in history as the laziest person alive.  As long as the bathtub brings happiness, who cares, right?
    The major problem with living in your bathtub is location. No one wants to spend too much time in the bathroom (for obvious reasons). The answer to this problem is wheels.  Wheels would allow you to move freely around your house and enjoy the comfort of your bathtub. How would you move it, though? A remote controlled device with a motor could be installed so you could get from point A to point B smoothly.
    Some extensions will need to be added to the bathtub.  They would allow you to lift and lower the tub in order to reach counters, cabinets, shelves, etc. This would allow you to do the laundry, cook dinner and perform other tasks without leaving the comfort of your bathtub. Think about how great it would be!  You could have as many relaxing bubble baths as you want and still manage to get things accomplished.  What a life!
    The bathtub won't make the most comfortable bed, though. Remember, the goal is to live in your bathtub. This means you will be sleeping in it as well. In order to make the tub comfortable enough for sleeping simply have the tub padded with some soft, waterproof padding in the color of your choice. Pillows could be added as well. This not only adds comfort, but style. Throw in a cup holder and a tray that can be brought up when eating or writing and you will have one swell living space.
    Once a "home tub" is discovered, its owner will never want to leave it. Eventually, they will have to leave the house. What to do then?  Place the tub's motor in turbo mode (bet you're glad you invested in that motor and remote control system) and it will work as well as any vehicle.  It would, however, require that mirrors, lights, a horn, and brakes were installed as well.  A cover of some sort might also be a good investment. You never know when it's going to rain.
   Not only can your tub now get you to and from the grocery store, but it's big enough to serve as your shopping cart. Do you like to fish?  Well, then, make that tub float and take yourself fishing.  There is no limit to what the tub can do.  A final thought, though, and probably the most important one: How would you go to the bathroom while living in your bathtub?
     You're on your own with that one!

Collect Moments Not Things

They were seated at the table next to ours.  Two little chubby-faced kids stood happily waiting for their parents to help them into their chairs.  They each held a little gift sack.  Once they were seated and their drinks had been ordered the little boy eagerly held up his gift sack for the older woman to take.  A huge smile spread across his little face.

"Here, grandma! I made it all by myself!"  The little girl sitting across from him said, "Nuh, uh!" Her voice echoed through the restaurant and her mother shushed her with a smile. "Well," the boy said hesitantly, "Mom helped a little."

The grandmother opened each gift with a smile and said, "Oh, this is lovely."  Two little sets of brown eyes beamed up at her as they watched, so happy she liked what they had worked so hard to make for her.  "Thank you," she said to them.

She then turned to the children's mother and said, "Where are the rest of my gifts?"  The woman looked confused and said, "Those are your gifts, mom."  Her mother looked offended.

"I don't understand," She said.  "It's Mother's Day."

Her daughter forced a smile and said, "Yes, it IS Mother's Day and the kids worked hard to make you something special."

The grandmother smiled at her grandchildren who were still smiling up at her. She leaned closer to her daughter and said, "When I was your age I made sure to get my mother something good for Mother's Day.  I mean, I'm paying for all of your meals and all I get are some cheap crafts made by my grandchildren?"

A look of hurt spread across the daughter's face.  She looked her mother in the eye and said, "Mom, you know Ben isn't working right now and I'm only working part time.  I'm not even getting anything for Mother's Day. We're just thankful we can make ends meet for now.  I'm sorry you don't like your gifts. We did think of you.  The kids worked hard on these gifts."

She turned to her kids and said, "Come on, guys, let's go."  The children began to protest and she said, "Well, we can't afford it and we don't want to make grandma pay for our meals."  As she walked away she turned to her mother and said, "Happy Mother's Day," as tears filled her eyes.

Our society puts too much emphasis on material things.  We see it every day.  People say, "Well, it's easy for people to say they don't need money if they don't have it.  They don't know what they're missing."  Sure, it's great to have nice things, but those nice things shouldn't define our character.  They shouldn't overshadow who we are and we certainly shouldn't expect them. We should be happy that people think enough of us to do something nice, not get offended because we feel they didn't spend enough money on us.

I recently saw pictures from another country where people had very little.  Their children had one, maybe two toys, they were living in filth and yet, in the pictures, they were smiling.  Sure, money gets tight from time to time, but things could be so much worse. When money gets tight it seems more stressful just because, in our world, money is your measure of success.  It's sad, really.

We should all try to collect moments, not things.  How rich our lives would be!

One Act of Kindness

A young woman with a screaming baby watched as the cashier rang up the baby formula. The cashier called out the total and the woman very quietly said, "Oh, I have a coupon for that."  She seemed nervous as she handed the coupon to the cashier.  She reached out and held a pacifier in her baby's mouth and said, "Shhhh," very softly. Her eyes stayed on the cashier as she scanned the coupon.  The cashier told her the price of the formula with the coupon.  The woman's voice shook as she said, "Oh, okay." She began clumsily digging in her purse to find the extra money she needed to cover the cost of the formula to feed her screaming baby.

Two young women stood in line behind her. They shifted their weight from leg to leg.  They sighed loudly in annoyance and one kept shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

The woman with the baby looked up at them, her tired eyes filled with tears and she said, "I'm so sorry."  The two women just glared at her.  One woman said, "Look at what she's wearing."  They both laughed.

She continued to frantically dig in her purse.  "I know I have some change in here, if I could just find it.  I'm sorry."  Her baby continued to scream.

Towards the back of the line was an older man.  He walked up to the woman with the baby and said, "Hi, I would love to help you out.  How much do you need?"  An expression of relief flooded the woman's face and she said, "Well, I only need $1.29 and I thought I had it but I can't find anything in this purse."  The man said, "Oh, is that all?  Don't worry about it."  The woman watched as he paid the remaining amount on the formula.  "There you go," he said.  He touched the baby's little foot and said, "He's all set."

"Thank you so much," She said.  She looked back at the two women in line behind her and said, "I'm so sorry it took so long."  One of them forced a smile and said, "It's okay."

There are so many people in this world whose selfishness really blows my mind at times.  I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be perfect.  However, judging others by the amount of money they have, by the clothes they wear, by the cars they drive and the homes they reside in could cause you to miss out on knowing someone great . . . or even experiencing a wonderful moment of helping a stranger, or even just being nice to some one.  Shouldn't a person's character be what's important?

I have been in the position of that young mother.  It's not an easy position to be in, but having one person extend a little bit of kindness can be a really big bright spot in your life--or someone else's.  I have been told that I'm too nice to people, especially those who don't deserve it. Maybe that is true, but it's who I am. Perhaps those horrible people who don't deserve some one to be nice to them NEED some one to show them a little kindness.

Who knows, one act of kindness can go a long way!