Friday, March 30, 2012

Making Yourself Crazy

Things have been just a little crazy in my world lately. Between Alex's appointments, bills, Kaitlyn's appointments, and everything else going on I feel like the woman in this picture. Things have been so busy that I even forgot to pay our utility bill.  I remembered 2 days after it was due and was so tired by that point that I just shrugged my shoulders and told Jacob I'd pay it tomorrow (which was today).  I have paid that bill on the same day every month for years and for some reason with everything we have going on it completely slipped my mind--which irritates me to no end.

Yesterday Kaitlyn was crying and the boys were both wanting things.  You know the story--the phone is ringing, the baby is crying, and you hear, "Mom. mom. MOM?"  over and over and over again.  I finally turned to the boys and, through clenched teeth stated, "There are three of you and only one of me.  Please give me a minute."

Jacob's grandfather fell a couple of weeks ago and shattered his hip.  He had to have surgery and we were all concerned about how things would go.  I have been with Jacob for 12 years and I remember the first time I met his grandfather.  He was funny and sweet and I liked him from the moment I met him.  I was very relieved when everything turned out okay.

Then this past week my grandmother fell and cracked her skull and had to have surgery.  I am very happy to report that she seems to be doing well.  I haven't been able to go to the hospital as often as I would like because of my kids' schedules, Alex's especially. It has been crazy.  Alex missed therapies he really doesn't need to be missing. We have been meeting with Alex's teachers and therapists to try and figure out what is best for him for next year--it has NOT been easy and we still don't know what the right thing to do is (I hate when that happens).

To top it all off for some reason people have chosen to criticize me this week.  Even complete strangers asked me questions about my parenting or offered unwanted advice. I went from feeling okay about my extra weight since Kaitlyn to REALLY not liking myself.  I started to question whether or not I was a good mom because of all the comments I had received throughout the week.  My poor husband probably got tired of reassuring me that I AM a good mother and that I don't look like a nasty, grotesque, hideous creature since having Kaitlyn. I try to stay positive, but when people are constantly making comments and criticizing it starts to wear on you after awhile and you start wondering if they are right. There is this little voice in your head that tells you that no one will love you if you're not beautiful.  No one will love you if you're not perfect.  The thing that struck me this afternoon is . . . WHO is the authority on what is beautiful?  And since no one is perfect why do we make ourselves crazy worrying about how we look, what size pants we wear, what we eat.  An even better question is why do people go out of their way to make other people feel bad?

Here's to treating each other with kindness and respect and NOT letting the world (or people) around us make us crazy.

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