I Had A Full Plate (So I Traded It In For A Bigger One)

Once upon a time there was a little family who lived in a little house.  It sounds like the beginning of a fairy tale, doesn't it?  Well, open the door to that little house and you do have a fairy tale--you also have parents sighing, a baby crying, boys arguing and fighting, and a light bulb in the dining room that can't decide if it wants to shine dimly or brightly. We'll be sitting at the table eating dinner--the boys will be goofing off, Kaitlyn will be crying, and Jacob and I will be taking turns saying, "Stop that!"  "Eat!"  "Leave your brother alone!" The light bulb above us will dim then get bright again.  We all freeze and grow silent, then we look up at the light.  This light bulb has a personality just like many appliances in this little home.  The washing machine, for example, will hit the spin cycle and sit there pumping air when it is supposed to pump water.  I'll go in and mess with it until I finally hear the water pumping in.  It happens nearly every time.  As I said before, it has a personality all its own! Little things like this are referred to as "stupid problems" in our home. We call them stupid problems because they are just small annoyances for the most part, but also because there is so much going on right now that we don't need one more thing added to our plate--even something as simple as a light bulb.  Actually, I went to the "reality" store last week and traded in our old plate for a bigger one.  I explained to the sales clerk that the plate we currently had just wasn't big enough for all that we had going on.  She nodded and showed me some bigger plates.  I found a large one that had edges to keep things from sliding off or hanging over.  Hopefully it will work because it seems like every day something new is added to our plate.
There are moments where we will feel overwhelmed--and it's little moments such as your son telling you that your hair looks a little ugly or that you look "way better" without your glasses, or some one making a comment about your body or the state of your house. These little moments, for whatever reason, are the ones that push us over the edge.

I've decided to start lifting weights so I can hold this bigger plate.  I know that one day, hopefully soon, life will slow down, we will all be well, and we'll be able to use our very large and nearly empty plate to slide down the hill outside our house.  That's right--the plate can be used for fun and entertainment too.  Isn't that amazing?  Give me enough time and I'll prove it!

Heroes Live On (Remembering One of My Favorite People)

When I was a little girl we had lunch with my grandparents every single Sunday.  When I was little I thought my Grandpa Jack was the funniest man alive.  I remember him laying on the floor and I'd get my toy doctor kit out and play doctor.  We have pictures of him laying on the floor with me sitting on him. My brother and I would stay with my grandparents quite a bit.  I remember waiting until my grandmother went to bed and my Grandpa Jack would come out with a big smile on his face--an ornery expression that a little boy would have when he was up to something he knew would get him in trouble.  I see this expression on my own boys from time to time. I remember Grandpa Jack always had his bath robe and slippers on and he'd walk into the kitchen, open the freezer door, and pull out the ice cream.  He'd turn to us and smile, lean over a little to make sure the bedroom door was shut so my grandma wouldn't know what he was doing, then he'd say, "Want some ice cream?"  We'd sit and have ice cream with him at 11 o'clock at night.  In the mornings he'd sleep in--which was understandable because he was up late eating ice cream.  Ha.  He'd come out, sit at the table, and eat cookies with his coffee.  To all of us grandchildren they were known as "grandpa cookies."  If we wanted a grandpa cookie we had to give him a kiss on the cheek and ask for a cookie--usually he would give us two or three.  I thought he was wonderful! He and my grandmother would take us camping and fishing. My grandpa enjoyed baseball and I remember watching baseball games with him many, many times. I liked it because he liked it. He would go deer hunting with my dad and uncles and when they would come back empty handed he would wink at me and smile and say, "I didn't kill Bambi this time, either."

I have an old black and white photo of my grandparents from the late 40s.  I look at that picture and think about stories my grandpa used to tell us from "back in his day." He survived the depression, was in WWII where he spoke one day about killing people.  A sadness was in his voice as he admitted that he couldn't see and he didn't know how many people he had killed. He was so young. He and my grandmother lost their first child to illness when he was about 9 months old.  My Grandpa Jack's life was far from boring! Every year the family would get together and help my grandparents put their Christmas tree up.  My grandpa would sit and watch, people would argue and complain--it WAS the holidays after all.  Ha.  I remember one year when I was in college my cousins were there helping, as well as my aunts, and my parents.  Grandpa was sitting and watching and telling people what to do.  I remember looking over at him at one point and he was watching all of us with a smile on his face--his eyes seemed happy.  At that moment it occurred to me that maybe he didn't help us because he enjoyed watching us--his family.  He was proud of his family and it was obvious.

And I was proud of him--and more than proud to call him my grandfather.  My boys loved him just as much as I did.  Logan still does things and will say, "Mom! I look like Great Grandpa Jack!"  or  "Great Grandpa Jack used to do that!"  He will come to me, crawl in my lap, and say, "I miss Great Grandpa Jack."  We all miss him.  Today he has been gone for a year. I think about him often and I thank God that I was given the chance to not only know him, but to call him mine.

My Grandpa Jack with Alex on Alex's first Christmas (2005).

 Grandpa Jack and his buddy, Logan--Logan LOVED this man!!  (Easter 2010)

Count Your Blessings

Things have been busy and stressful in the Astley house these days.  We are getting ready for Alex's surgery a week from today and trying to get everything (school, therapies, appointments, etc.) squared away between now and then.  We also have an ultrasound scheduled to check out Kaitlyn's liver and make sure everything is functioning the way it's supposed to--and to add to the fun I went to the doctor last week and got some news . . . nothing major . . .and will have to schedule an appointment with a surgeon for myself.  Jacob and I have gotten to the point where we just shrug our shoulders and say, "It is what it is."

Today I was sitting in the waiting room at Sensational Kids waiting on Alex to finish his occupational therapy session.  A woman came in pushing a little girl in a wheel chair.  She was strapped into this fancy wheel chair, leaned back, and hooked up to oxygen.  Every time she took a breath it was wheezy.  She started making sounds and her mother excitedly said, "Are you talking?  That's my big girl.  Do it again."  The little girl smiled and tried to talk--which just came out as groans and grunts.  The mom said, "Hi.  Say, 'hi'"  The girl groaned something that sounded like "hi" and the mom rubbed her arm and said, "That's my big girl.  I'm so proud of you."  The little girl, who looked to be maybe four or five years old, smiled so big and kept trying to say "hi."

I sat and watched her with a smile on my face and thought about my own children. Jacob has said (on more than one occasion) that there is always some one who has it worse than you do.  This is true.  We haven't been focusing on the negative in our house so don't get me wrong.  With all the medical issues that have come up lately we have been busy--and I won't lie and say that we aren't nervous about our son having surgery next week--but, as the saying goes, things could be worse.  Watching that little girl struggle to breathe and struggle just to say the word, "hi" really reminded me that we need to be thankful for what we DO have and not focus on all the stressful things going on in our world. My children don't have any terminal illnesses, they have plenty to eat, and everything they could possibly need (and a ton of things they don't need but think they do. . . LOL).

So, with that amazing little girl in mind today I am counting my blessings.

'Tis The Season

Its Christmastime.  I have always enjoyed this time of year--its even more fun now that we have children.  We take them to look at Christmas lights, watch Christmas shows and movies with them, make Christmas cookies, make crafts, and the boys sing the carols they learn at school to us.  There is always something magical about Christmas.

This Christmas we have decided not to travel.  Yes, I heard all the gasping--just hear me out.  Traveling is hard enough with two kids.  You drive two hours in the cold and hope you don't have car issues or a flat along the way.  You spend night after night in a place that isn't your home--in a bed that isn't your bed. You spend day after day going from place to place for scheduled Christmas gatherings.  Its always great to see people and we always enjoy ourselves, but this year we are tired.  We are up with Kaitlyn 3 or 4 times a night and I can't imagine doing that in some place other than home. I remember when Logan was 8 months old and we traveled for Christmas--it was horrible.  He screamed the entire way because he hated being in his car seat--Kaitlyn is the same way. I can't imagine driving with a one month old screaming the entire way. I can't imagine getting up with her several times throughout the night and then getting ready for another Christmas gathering the next day after being up with her all night. Alex and Kaitlyn both have runny noses and are congested and I don't want to travel in the cold with two snotty children. Kaitlyn's pediatrician even encouraged us not to travel too far because we need to stay close to Childrens in case something happens--this statement has our attention now that Kaitlyn has a runny nose. She said that since Kaitlyn's immune system is still building, something as small as a runny nose can quickly turn into something more serious.  I am reminded of one Christmas that Logan (as a baby/toddler) got sick and we were far away from home, far away from his pediatrician, and we had to drive the 2 hours back home with a screaming child who didn't feel well.

We have offered to have people come here for Christmas which has led to people getting upset that we're not going to THEIR place, people telling us that it will be crowded (which is code for "you need a bigger place"--don't even get me started on that one), and people getting their feelings hurt.
We want to be with our families for Christmas--we do--We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or make anyone upset or be difficult, but no one seems to take into consideration all it entails on our end just to get where we're going with everything we need, etc.  We have done it every year in an attempt to be with our families for Christmas.

So, this Christmas, we have decided not to travel.  We know people are disappointed, some are upset, but we hope everyone understands. We love our families and want to be with them on Christmas, but just for this year we are choosing not to travel.  We apologize and hope you understand!

And, as always, we wish you all a very Merry Christmas!! ;)

A 6-year-old's View of "The Grinch"

I had the chance to sit and watch How The Grinch Stole Christmas with my boys this evening.  We had a picnic dinner (now that they are well--thank God) and sat and watched the movie.  The boys laughed so hard.  Alex seemed to relate to the Grinch.  He said, "I know why he feels mad at those kids.  Those kids are mean to him.  Kids are mean when you're different."  He paused to watch more of the movie and after a while he said, "I know I'm different from other kids."  I said, "How are you different?"  He said, "I talk different and my arm is different and I can't do things everybody else can do."  The mother wheels in my brain started turning and I opened my mouth to tell him just how perfect he is but before I could say anything he said, "The Grinch wouldn't have been so mean if he had a good mommy and daddy."  We watched a few more minutes of the movie--Alex laughed with Logan (because they think Jim Carrey is hilarious as the Grinch).  Then, Alex snuggled up to me, grabbed my hand and said, "If the Grinch had a mommy and daddy like I have then he wouldn't have been so mean.  They would have helped him and told him to be nice."

Alex also said that the Grinch's teacher wasn't nice and he (the Grinch) deserved to have a nice teacher like the teachers Alex has.  He said, "I have really fun and nice teachers and I don't want to be mean.  The Grinch didn't have a nice teacher, either. No nice mommy and daddy and no nice teacher."  I said, "You don't think she's nice?"  He said, "She laughed at him and didn't make the other kids stop being mean--no, she's not very nice."

At the end of the movie when the Grinch becomes nice Alex's face lit up and he said, "See, mom?  Cindy Lou Who was nice to him and his heart grew and he wanted to be nice."  He looked up at me with those big, beautiful blue eyes and said, "Everybody needs some one to be nice to them and love them. I have a whole family and a lot of nice teachers." I said, "Yes, you have a lot of people who love you."  He smiled and said, "That is why I'm such a good boy, mom."

I am so proud of Alex and I will never look at the Grinch in the same way!

Who Says

I heard a song today that I really, really liked.  The first thing I noticed was the music--it was a pop song but the music was fun and I couldn't help but like it.  Then, I noticed the lyrics and decided I really liked the song.  I haven't heard much by Selena Gomez--I actually know her mostly from Wizards of Waverly Place because Alex went through a phase about a year ago where he watched it.  I haven't really followed her singing career, but have to admit I really like this song.

Right now everything is crazy in our house--I am happy to get 3 or 4 hours of sleep in a row when it happens.  During the day I get so caught up in doing all that needs to be done around the house, getting ready for Christmas, getting ready for Alex's birthday, getting ready for Alex's surgery, and a hundred other things that need to be done, that I never think to lay down while Kaitlyn is sleeping.  By the end of the week I'm exhausted and after a while that can start to take a toll on your emotions as well. My incision is still hurting and hasn't healed 100% which I find to be extremely frustrating.  I want to do EVERYTHING on my own and don't want to NEED people to help me. I lost 35 pounds after having Kaitlyn and now it is as if I have hit a brick wall.  I gained 55 pounds with her so I realize that losing 35 is quite an accomplishment, but I also realize that I still need to lose 20 pounds to get my "old" body back--maternity pants are baggy now and, of course, don't fit right, and non-maternity pants don't fit and hurt my incision.  Its funny how many frustrating things you encounter after having a baby.  Because of all these things, this song, sung by a 19-year-old, really got my attention.

Christmas Photo

I wanted to take a picture of all three of my children wearing red and sitting in front of the Christmas tree to put on our Christmas card this year.  I put sweaters on the boys and Kaitlyn had a cute little red velvet dress and some red tights she got to wear.  The boys kept smiling and Kaitlyn would cry, scream, or make a face.  She kept giving me these looks like she was more than annoyed with what I was doing.  I kept saying, "I just need one good picture!"  The boys would smile and I'd say, "Let's try it again."  They would moan and sigh.  Aww . . . 'tis the season!  Photos have become more challenging now that there are three children in the picture instead of two.  The boys will look down at Kaitlyn instead of of the camera, one of them will have their eyes closed, Kaitlyn will be crying or screaming or wiggling around, her dress riding up nearly covering her face.  I was determined to get one good picture of them--eventually, I did.   Christmas cards are made and now I just need to send them out.  Christmas card photos are always so funny.  The children are smiling and look so happy when in reality they just wanted to be finished with the photo so they could go play.  I'm holding the camera and saying, "Okay, guys, look at me.  No, look at me!"

I remember taking photos for my mom's Christmas card growing up and by the time we finished we would all be mad at each other.  Our experience with this year's Christmas card wasn't anywhere near that bad but the boys had other things they wanted to do.  They were good sports about it and Kaitlyn was patient and cooperative for the most part.  Now we can wish everyone a Merry Christmas with our children's bright and smiling faces.

Brothers and best friends--looking handsome for the picture!

Kaitlyn all dressed up.  She was a good sport about it and she looked so pretty!

Another Christmas card out of the way!