The Unmaking

The past 18 years of my life have been a struggle. It wasn't until recently that I came to understand that this struggle was of my own doing. There are times when I find myself getting frustrated with my daughter. Everyone told me potty training girls is easy. Let me just toss my head back and let out a loud "HA!" This girl will be 4 in November and she wants no part of potty training. She will look us dead in the eyes and say, "Why?" when we encourage her to use the potty. No reason is good enough for her. She wants no part of it. There are times I find myself thinking, "She is so stubborn." Well, it seems she comes by it naturally. I can't help but wonder if this feeling of frustration is something that God feels when witnessing and experiencing my own stubbornness.

As I look deeper into my past I realize that the struggle started well before then. The age of 19 seems like such a pivotal time in my memory, but so much of who I am (or better yet, believe I am) started with childhood. Things people say, things they do, stick with you as you grow. These things help shape who you see when you look in the mirror. In college I struggled with my faith and my relationship with God. I began pushing Him away. I am honestly surprised He has any patience left for me. For the past 18 years I have cried out to Him, only to push Him away again. I told myself I didn't need Him.

I tackled things on my own. I was stubborn and even when I hit rock bottom I refused to reach out to God. I'm not going to lie. It was miserable. I have been miserable for nearly 18 years. I have been clinging to things that hurt me. When people would accuse me of not giving things over to God I would get defensive. They didn't understand. They had no idea.

The truth is, it doesn't matter. They were right. I was using that hurt as a reason to keep distance between God and myself, all the while longing to be near Him, to grow spiritually and to feel that joy that I once had. I used people who had hurt me as reason to not need God in my life. They were "supposed" to be Christian but they weren't acting like it. (How dare they!)

And what was I acting like?

Most days I felt stressed, miserable, and defeated. There was no joy to be found. I learned to fake it pretty well, though. Even a week ago, I was faking it. We went to church because it was the right thing to do. I wanted my children to go to church.

I can honestly say that my closest friends probably knew. Yet, they never made me feel as if I was doing something wrong, making a mistake, or left me feeling like a bad person. They also never left me. They stuck close to me. They prayed for me. They encouraged me. When they'd say they would pray for me, I'd cringe. When they talked about God, I grew uncomfortable. I knew where I needed to be, but I refused to let go of all the pain. I would try, longing to feel that joy, but then I'd quickly take it all back like a bag lady. I had held on to it for so long that the thought of letting it go was overwhelming and just not going to happen.

There came a moment when I couldn't stand it anymore. I fell to my knees and I didn't just pray, I cried out to God. I realized I had been hoarding sin, refusing to let it go. At that moment, I let it go.

That joy that I remember has returned. That hunger and thirst to grow closer to God is back.

The smile on my face is now real.

Nichole Nordeman recently released a song entitled, "The Unmaking." It's upbeat, yet beautiful, and it illustrates a moment that every one of us must endure.

"What happens now? When all I've made is torn down? What happens next? When all of you is all that's left? This is the unmaking, the beauty in the breaking. I had to lose myself to find out who you are. Sitting in the rubble I can see the stars."

Rubble has never looked so beautiful.

True Beauty

I watched my daughter stomp around in her princess dress, tiara placed on her head, and pink princess shoes. She screamed angrily, "I a beautiful princess!"

Wow!

We are told from an early age that beauty is on the inside, and while this should be true, it's not. It's a nice thought. It's a nice thing to say when our 3-year-old is screaming that she's beautiful and we want her to ACT beautiful. However, in today's world, outward beauty is what counts. You wear nice clothes. You fix your hair. You put on makeup no matter where you go. It was probably torture for my mom to learn that I attended many college classes make-up free and wearing a baseball cap. (I wasn't alone!)

The truth is, too often we define our beauty based on other people's opinions. You lose weight, people notice. You gain weight, people notice. We look in the mirror and we don't like who we see regardless of our pant size!

I have short hair. I LIKE having short hair. It's easier to fix and it's fun. I have had people tell me that they like it. I've had people tell me I'm crazy and women should have long hair.

If you're a mother it goes even farther. You have people trying to tell you how to raise your children.

Life would be so much easier if we didn't care what others thought. If we did what we wanted to do and if people don't like it then, oh well, it's not their life. Right? You can't make everyone happy all the time and while you're using all of your time and energy trying to make everyone happy you find yourself far from happy. What about YOUR happiness?  We need to CHOOSE to be happy. You like short hair? Then cut it. It's YOUR hair! You want to go to the store without make-up and wear a baseball cap? Good for you!  There is no law that states you have to spend 45 minutes styling your hair and putting on make up! You don't want to travel for every holiday because you want to start your own traditions with your children? Well, it's your decision to make and if that makes you happy, then go for it! Wait, you're not a size zero and you're happy with yourself? That's awesome! You ate an entire cheese cake last night? Well, if it didn't make you sick, then I think you're totally cool and I hope you enjoyed it!

A lot of us spend too much time worried about what others think.We spend too much time trying to keep other people happy. I'm not suggesting we become narcissists, I'm just saying that maybe it's time we started liking ourselves for who we are and stop worrying about what others think. Why do we care so much? I'm a people-pleaser. I have this habit of going out of my way to try and make others happy. They can criticize me and manipulate me, use guilt, even come up with crazy schemes just so they can get their way and I just take it.

It needs to stop.

It needs to stop for ALL of us.

Deep down inside we're all like my 3-year-old. We're all dressed up and just waiting for some one to tell us we're beautiful. Well, guess what?  You ARE beautiful!

Now it's time to believe it!

World's Okayest Mother

I have seen a lot of coffee mugs on Pinterest lately that read, "World's Okayest Mom."  Every time I see it I can't help but smile. We, as mothers, are all pushing forward, being the best we can be for our children. We are overwhelmed and exhausted, but we're doing okay. Right?

In my house we are all about feeding our children healthy foods. We "encourage" them to eat fresh fruits and vegetables. We don't eat a lot of processed foods and eating out is a rare treat. That being said, I currently have the biggest bag of Totino's pizza rolls that you can buy in our freezer. We have Pop Tarts and sugary kids cereal because while I want them to eat healthy, I also want them to be kids. A big part of being a kid is fun food like Cap'n Crunch, a cold soda, or a candy bar they get to pick out in the grocery check out line from time to time.

I make my kids clean their rooms. Their cleaning consists of straightening up a bit, shoving things under the bed, and tossing things in the closet. They come to me with smiles and say, "I think it's clean!" Most of the time it's not clean. There are comic books on the floor, markers strewn about, and Legos (evil, evil Legos). They stand, smiling, awaiting my reaction. "Is it clean enough?" The truth is they could spend ten more minutes cleaning it up a little more (and they know this or they wouldn't have thrown in "enough" at the end of their question), but I can see the floor now, and childhood is calling them. Yes, it's clean enough.

I drive them to therapies and appointments. There are days when I grow tired of hearing, "Mom?" from behind me. I find myself longing for quiet or the selfish need to be left alone so I can listen to one song while I drive. There is also the thrill of going to the bathroom without a 3-year-old chasing you down the hall shouting, "I help you!" (I wonder if her eagerness will remain in about 45 or 50 years when I actually might need help.  HA!)  There are nights when the two youngest gremlins keep popping out of bed to ask for help with a blanket or to complain about something. There are mornings when they are up too early and I haven't finished my first cup of coffee.

I spend my days doing laundry and cleaning, yet it feels as if there is never anything to show for it. The house isn't spotlessly clean and the laundry is still piled up, even though I do two or three loads a day. Most days there just doesn't seem to be enough time to get everything done.

My eldest states that he is tired of therapies. He should be. He's had therapies since he was 2. Sadly, there isn't a time in his life that he remembers NOT having therapies. Truth is, I'm tired of therapies too. There are days that if feels like a mundane routine. Yet, we keep going. We keep trudging forward.

My children don't wear ties and speak eloquently. They're not fluent in three different languages. My house isn't spotless. I don't vacuum while wearing a dress, heels and pearls and I don't have dinner on the table (homemade chocolate cake for dessert included) the second my husband gets home from work. I wipe Kaitlyn's snotty nose 20 times a day. I deal with accidents and bathroom messes. I clean up vomit and spilled food.

When my children are sick I take care of them. When Kaitlyn is struggling to breathe I hold her and we use her nebulizer. I read to them, watch TV with them, play with them. I help with homework and projects. I have awesome conversations with my boys. I try to teach them responsibility by giving them chores and saying, "I can't," just makes me want to push them more.

There is nothing special about me. I'm just an okay mom . . . and I'm okay with that.

Why I'm Hard On My Special Needs Child

There was a time when I had to constantly say, "Use your words," to my Apraxic child. He would sigh in annoyance, take his time, and then speak. I honestly can't remember the last time I had to tell him to use his words. He does it on his own now. No more signs, no more gestures, no more tantrums. He slowly says what he wants to say. I stop what I'm doing, focus on him, and listen. 

When he tries to eat with his hands because using silverware is difficult we still tell him to use his fork. When he walks around with his shoes untied, we make him stop and try to tie them (even if it takes 5 minutes and multiple tries). When he struggles to brush his teeth, read, write, even hold a pencil, we keep pushing him to try. There have been numerous days when I've made him go back and brush his teeth again. He sighs or rolls his eyes, but he doesn't argue. He knows that trying is important. Practice makes perfect, right? 

I've had people tell me to just let him eat with his hands. "He's a child, what will it hurt?" I've had people ask me why I don't buy him Velcro shoes since tying is difficult for him. The zipper and button on his pants are difficult? Well, just let him wear track pants every day and then he won't have to worry about it. 

Sure, all of these things would make it easier for him and no parent wants to watch their child struggle, however it would hurt him more than help him. There will come a day when I have to send my special needs child into the world. It's not a kind world filled with rainbows and butterflies. Birds won't follow him around singing and he won't suddenly emerge in cartoon form into a dream land with no worries. The world is cruel and it will not bend over backwards to make my child's life easier. By doing that for him now I would be doing him a disservice. 

Am I hard on my special needs child? You bet I am. My job is to prepare him to go out into the world one day and to be ready. I do not want a 30-year-old son walking around with his shoe laces flapping about his feet, eating with his hands, shrugging his shoulders and saying, "I have Apraxia," just because things are hard. My dream for this kid is to see him succeed. To see him EASILY do all the things his little brother can do and hear him smile and say, "I have Apraxia, but I still did it!" He has his own voice and it is my job to help him find it and one day, when the time comes, go out and use that voice! 

So far, it seems to be working. He works twice as hard to do half as much and he's okay with that. He's comfortable with who he is and he has accepted the challenges in his life. He is happy, ornery, and has such a positive outlook on life! So, the next time you see me pushing him or encouraging him to try just one more time and you say, "You're too hard on him," I will smile and say, "Thank you."  I AM hard on him, but he'll be all the better for it one day! 

A Much Better Place!

First, I read about people bashing Kelly Clarkson because of her weight. Then I read about people attacking Pink because of her weight.

Seriously?

Do people not have lives? Why are we so worried about how others look or how much they weigh?

There is always that person who fixates on weight. You see them and the first thing out of their mouth is, "You've lost weight," "Have you gained weight?" or "You're actually keeping the weight off." These are the same people who will tell you they ran into so-and-so and "she's gained a lot of weight."

Who cares! Get a hobby! Worry about your own weight and stop fixating on others.

I have learned that those who fixate on other people's weight aren't the most likable people. I am raising my daughter in a world where she will always be under a magnifying glass. It's sick! People preach about how we should love ourselves, but how can we when we live in a society who frowns upon anyone who isn't sickly thin?

I was shocked to read that people were attacking Pink because of her weight. She's healthy and she's NOT overweight! Once upon a time Marilyn Monroe was the pinnacle of beauty and she wasn't sickly thin! How easily we forget. How sad that things have reached this point. It has become ridiculous!

Wouldn't it be great if we all saw what a person was like on the inside instead of focusing on their outward appearance?

For those who always point out other's weight and/or flaws, go take a long look in the mirror. None of us are perfect, physically or otherwise. It's time to start looking past outward appearances and start appreciating people's inner beauty.

The world would be a much better place for sure!

Positive 10

I was challenged (more like dared) by a sweet friend to post 10 positive things about myself.

10 seems like a lot.

The funny thing is, it only seems like a lot in reference to myself.  I could easily list far more than 10 positive things about my friends.

This seems like it might actually be a good thing, so in the spirit of positiveness (and fun), I'm going to just toss it out there!

After a lot of thought, here are the 10 positive things I see in/about myself:

1.  I'm strong.  (I feel far from it most days, but I wouldn't be where I am today if I were weak.)

2.  I have a heart for encouraging others and building them up.

3.  I find it difficult to mistreat or hurt others, even if it means hurting myself.  (Maybe I should say I tend to put other's feelings before my own!)

4. I'm a good mother!  (I have proof!  My gremlins tell me this daily, so it must be true . . . right?)

5. I can write a story that will keep your attention.  (Hey, not everyone can say that.)

6. I have naturally curly hair.  Be jealous!  Ha.  Most days I HATE it, but people pay money for curls, so I'll take it!

7.  I listen to what people tell me (especially if it's about me) and I actually think about it, it doesn't just go in one ear and out the other.  

8.  I'm small enough to ride on things with Kaitlyn and play with my kids at bouncy houses instead of sitting on a bench and watching.  That's a pretty cool thing.  (Sometimes it pays to be little! LOL)

9.  I have learned to find the bright spots in any situation.

10.  Life isn't always easy, but I'm still standing.

That wasn't the easiest task to master, but I did it.  Take a minute to think about what is positive about yourself.  We all have a little bit of awesomeness in us (that's why those who love us CHOOSE to love us!)

Some days it's just nice to see ourselves the way others do.  Trust me -- it's a cool thing!

Super Hero Chucks

Today, one of my very best friends told me to put on my Wonder Woman chucks because I am a super hero.

These shoes in which she speaks are a metaphor. The path I have walked through life has made me the person I am today.  It has made me stronger. I look at who I was at 19 or 20 years old.  Even at 24-years-old.  I have come a long way.

That young woman no longer exists, but memories of her are etched into my being.  They serve as reminders of not only how far I've come, but how strong I am.

No one understands your struggle as well as you do.  No one has walked in your shoes.  Maybe their paths have been similar, but they haven't walked it in your shoes.

Hold your head high and remind yourself that you ARE strong.

And never forget those who reach out and take your hand along the way, refusing to let go. Those who only make you feel loved and strong.  (Should they make you feel weak or bad about yourself, then let go of their hand. You only have two hands.  Reserve them for those who love you the most.  Hold tight to them!)

Never take them for granted.

Odds are, they're wearing their super hero chucks as well!

You're Super!

The laundry basket outside the boys' room is overflowing.  I typically do (on average) three loads a day and yet I still can't seem to manage to get caught up. 

I clean the kitchen and living room daily, most days two or three times. By bedtime it's a mess again.  Some days it feels like a losing battle. 

I get up early to have a little time to myself to read, work out, etc. before my children wake up.  Once they wake up it's like a gang of baby birds wanting, needing, or asking questions nonstop.  Lately, they have been getting up earlier than usual and the time to myself that I so look forward to seems to be MIA. 

I think the pile of dirty laundry has multiplied as I've typed!  

You get it.  As a mother I know that we wear similar shoes! 

You invest all of your time and energy into your children and spouse. You listen to your spouse every day after work as he talks about his day.  You offer words of encouragement or tell him he's being too hard on himself.  You remind him that you appreciate his hard work and all he does to support you and your children.  

You try to make dinner while helping two children with their homework at the same time.  You spend extra time raising a special needs child.  Helping him with everything he needs help with, getting him to appointments and therapies, meeting with others who are involved with his health, education, life. 

You fill out applications, you pay the bills, you call and handle things when something goes wrong or something needs to be dealt with. You clean the house, cook the meals, and iron the clothes.You get up in the middle of the night with a sick child. 

You encourage your children and you scold them.  You feel like a nag because they aren't listening even though you've asked them to pick up their dirty underwear three times already.  It's still there. A wad of red and black heaped over beside the desk chair.

You don't get a vacation from this job.  You don't get nights and weekends off.  That's okay, though, because you know it's all worth it.  However, there are days when you're up at 5:00 to have time to yourself and your children awaken early and want breakfast.  You tell them to go back to sleep, but they're already dressed and wide awake.  You're not sure why, but it seems they just want to sit and stare at you until you get up and help them with breakfast.  There are days when so much time and energy goes into cleaning, laundry, and your family that you're exhausted, but you feel there is nothing to show for it.  You wonder if you're wasting your time because even though you've done 5 loads of laundry today, it is still overflowing.  Your child does something to make you wonder if you're a bad parent. The list goes on and on.  

I want to take this opportunity to say that you ARE doing a fantastic job.  We all need to be reminded of this, especially on days when we feel under appreciated and last in line. It is a difficult job, but you're a pro at it. Imagine what would happen to your family if you weren't there doing all that you do?  You ARE needed and you're doing an awesome job! 

We all need to be reminded of this from time to time.  Hold your heads high, moms!  Know that you truly are a Super Mom!  

I'm off to conquer the dreaded villain in my hallway who is disguised as a stinky pile of laundry!  Tighten your capes, moms, and go be super! 

Friendship Is A Gift

Friendships are a gift.

These are people who CHOOSE to love you.  You weren't forced on them by blood or marriage.  They chose you.  (How cool is that!)  We so often forget this and treat them as far less than gifts.

The struggle is real.  (I couldn't resist using that line!)  Female relationships can be so difficult.  We just tend to be so emotional.  One thing I have learned is that some are more emotional than others.

We all have friends who are know-it-alls.  We all have friends who make everything about themselves, get offended about things that have nothing to do with them, or give us the silent treatment.  We have friends who never have anything positive to say or have expectations that are just too high.

Ladies, we are adults.  Why is it that so many grown women still act so immature?  Who has the time or the energy to behave this way?

I have two friends, both older than me, who have experienced EVERY mood I could possibly have.  They have never gotten upset with me, never made me feel bad, and never made things that I shared with them about themselves. They never tell me what to do, never criticize me, and never take my moods personally. They are always there no matter what is going on in their lives and they make me feel as if I am some one special.

Female relationships can be complicated, but they don't have to be.  Is it really so hard to just be there for each other, to love each other, and to not get bent out of shape over things (especially things that have nothing to do with you?)  Life is really too short for that.

I am no one special, but these two friends make me feel as if I AM someone special.  I have also been blessed with many other great friends who have proven themselves to be just that--great friends.  I am blessed in the friend department, that is for sure!

My prayer is that I am as great of a friend to them as they are to me (and that I make them feel just as special)!

Who do you have in your life who lifts you up or makes you feel as if you're someone special (every single day)?

Cherish and nurture the positive friendships, ladies! Tell them thank you and never forget that these great friendships are gifts (and should be treated as such)!

Seeing Yourself

Have you ever stopped to think about how others might see you?

I'll be the first to admit that most of the time I am my biggest critic as well as my own worst enemy. Surely when people see me they just see the huge nerd that I am.  A woman who loves (and has a great deal of respect for) books. A woman who enjoys writing and actually writes as often as she can in hopes of one day getting some more stories or articles published; especially a novel. A woman who loves Wonder Woman and believes that Audrey Hepburn was not only a fabulous actress and a beautiful woman, but also an amazing person.  A woman who lives in a house that does not look like an adult lives here. A woman who absolutely loves all things vintage, retro . . . OLD! A woman who loves art and color! A woman who jokes around with her children and acts goofy with them.  A woman with a plain face, stupid hair, and an imperfect body.

Wait, what?

The truth is, we can be hard on ourselves.  I have learned (and am learning more every day) that those closest to me see me in a very different way than I see myself.

I was talking to a friend this morning and she surprised me.  She said, "It must be nice to be brave enough to have such a cool place."  What?  Her comment threw me.

Without thinking, I let out an uncomfortable laugh.  She said, "No, I'm serious.  I feel like my house has to be boring and look as if adults live there."  I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Everyone has their own taste.  Some might even say that my taste is weird."  To my surprise she smiled and said, "Your place is happy."

What a great compliment!  Who cares if my house is new, big, nice, fancy, stylish . . . but happy?  That is a great word!  I love it! What better compliment for your home.  I love that she sees my home as happy!  My aunt once told me that she loved how my husband and I made our home fun for our kids.  That is partially true.  The fact is, when our kids are grown and it's just Jacob and me, we will still have the bright colors.  We will still have tons of books, art, and cool old things.  It's what we love, it's who we are, and our home reflects that.

Another person told me she loved my hair; that I look like a french artist.  Okay, well, that's cool, I guess. Now, Logan keeps telling me he "really likes my curls" and if I straighten my hair he will say, "I like it better the other way.  I like it that you look like a french artist."  Now, odds are he has no idea what a french artist is, but he thinks it sounds cool and that's good enough for me!

Yesterday, while wishing me a happy birthday, a friend actually said, "You're just an awesome person."  I laughed and said, "Thank you."  I have a bad habit of caring about how others feel.  Logan is A LOT like me in that respect.  We want to encourage people, build them up, and see them smile.  While I don't see myself as an awesome person, it has been really neat to see myself through my friends' eyes over the past couple of days.

The fun fact for today is that we are who we are.  Odds are, that person you see staring back at you from the mirror isn't the same person seen by those who love you.  I think that is pretty cool.  They see me as this great person, a person worthy of their love, worthy of their friendship, their support, encouragement, honesty, and a million other awesome things.

Be yourself, but more importantly, be happy with yourself. I have some truly amazing friends who are constantly reminding me of this.

I'm so thankful for them and thankful they see me differently than I see myself!

I Have Learned

I left the living room to put folded clothes away.  I could hear the laughter filling the house as I headed down the hallway.  It was obvious my gremlins were running around the room like crazy people.  I returned a few minutes later to find the sofa pillows on the floor.  Several of Kaitlyn's toys were strewn about, as well as two of her blankets.  The couch itself had even been shifted.  All three gremlins sat perfectly still as if they had been that way all along.  I laughed and said, "What did you guys do?"  Alex looked around and said, "What? I don't see anything."

I have learned a lot since Alex was born over a decade ago. I have learned that I can spend all day doing laundry and cleaning and at the end of the day there is no evidence of it. I have learned that Goldfish, when stepped on, crumble into such a fine powder that it sinks deep into the carpet.  It is nearly impossible to vacuum up every last crumb.  It can be done, but not without sighs and annoyed groaning! I have learned that Legos end up all over the house and hurt when you step on them.  It never fails; you WILL step on them! I have learned that when my 10-year-old is quiet it doesn't mean he feels sick or something is bothering him.  It just means he's growing up, he's not as rowdy as he once was, and he just wants me to leave him alone and stop asking him questions. I've learned that children can set a new record for how quickly they can destroy a room, but when it's time to clean it up they can drag it out all day.  I have learned that 3-year-old girls prefer to be in nothing but a pull-up when they're at home and really (honestly and truly) ARE just like little teenagers, except teenagers are potty trained!  I have learned that siblings will fight over anything.  I'm waiting for the big fight over oxygen.  It has yet to happen, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

Over the past decade I have learned that household chores can wait when your little girl looks at you with big blue eyes and says, "Mommy, you want to play with me?"  I have learned that hearing my eldest son read to me is one of my favorite things.  I have learned that 8-year-old boys really do think about things more than I ever imagined they could and might actually be more noble than most people five times their age! I have learned that time moves fast and you are forced to keep up with it! I have learned that I am raising my children in a world that is much different than the one I grew up in, yet frighteningly similar.

Every day our children wake up a day older.  Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Today is the oldest you've ever been, and the youngest you'll ever be again."  I have learned that having a clean house is ideal, but having happy children and enjoying them while they're the youngest they'll ever be again is more important.

Ah, Christmas!

Christmas is my favorite time of the year.  I love the lights, the decorations, the music, and just the magic that seems to fill the air this time of year. I love finding that perfect gift for someone and then watching their expression as they open it. I love the traditions we have started with our children.  I love baking Christmas cookies and candy with them, sipping hot cocoa while we watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and other Christmas classics.  It's just a fun time of year.

It is also a very hypocritical time of year. This thought has occurred to me over the years, but is becoming more apparent because of a certain 8-year-old gremlin.  So many shout about how Christmas' sole purpose is to celebrate Jesus' birth.  They talk about putting the "Christ" back in Christmas.  The sad fact is that most of the people shouting about the "Christ" in Christmas (NOT everyone, but A LOT) are the same ones who have actually removed Christ from the equation with their hypocrisy.  Were you really following Christ's birth you would give to those in need.  You would remember that Jesus was, in fact, Jewish.  Hmmm . . . so would he be celebrating Christmas or, perhaps, Hanakkuh (As you shout about not saying Happy Holidays because it offends you).

You put up Christmas trees in your home, which derives from the Winter Solstice, which is (gasp) a Pagan holiday. Snowmen, reindeer, Santa, elves, gingerbread men, wreaths, Christmas lights . . . all fun, all pretty, and all have absolutely nothing to do with Christ's birth. Taking it a step farther, your church has a Christmas Eve service so that you and your family, (who, don't forget, shout about keeping the Christ in Christmas) can go worship and, dare I say, CELEBRATE Christ's birth.  You don't go, though.  You, instead, take 5 minutes to read the Christmas story and then toss the book aside and say, "Who wants to pass out presents?"

People get loans to pay for things that their children don't need, yet when we see someone who is truly in need, we turn away and claim we can't afford to help.  I once read that if you truly believe that Christmas is about Jesus' birth, then you should be giving a lot away.  If you have two coats give one of them to someone who doesn't have a coat.  We gather with families and set out more food than we can all eat.  Sadly, a lot of that food gets thrown away while so many (in our own communities) are going hungry.

You want Christ to be in Christmas but when people ask you to give you puff out your chest and argue that you work hard for your money and instead of you following Jesus' example and giving, they should just get jobs.  Well, okay, you're entitled to your opinion, but what about that 6-year-old girl who comes home from school and goes to bed hungry because there is no food?  Or that 11-year-old boy who never wears a coat because his mom couldn't afford to buy him one?

We shout about keeping Christ in Christmas, yet we are the first ones to remove him by our selfish actions and comments. To those of you who speak of keeping Christ in Christmas and you give of your time, you give money, you serve, you help and you try to follow Christ's example -- thank you.  To those who shout about keeping Christ in Christmas, yet, you yourself do NOT keep Christ in Christmas, let me just remind you that you are the example for our children . . . WE are the example for our children.

I have an 8-year-old who is very observant and thinks about everything.  He has started asking me why certain people he is around talk about God and giving, but they do the opposite.  He has really made us think -- and notice other's actions. I encourage us all to practice what we preach.  Remember . . . the world is watching.  What is it they see when they look at you?

More Than Okay

We got out of the van after school and I noticed that my soon-to-be 10-year-old's shoes were untied.  The strings were just waving and bouncing all over the place, just begging to be stepped on so they could trip their wearer.  He started walking towards the building and I said, "Wait!  Your shoes are untied."  He said, "Yeah, I know.  They've been like this all day."  It was one of those moments when I stood there trying to get my "mom brain" to decode what my child was saying.  He stared at me waiting for a response.  Finally, I asked, "Well, why didn't you tie them?"  He rolled his eyes and said, "I don't know how."  I'll admit, I laughed.  I said, "You DO know how to tie your shoes."  He sighed and said, "Yeah, but it's hard."  WHAT? (In his defense, it IS hard, but . . . and I mean this with all the love in my heart . . . SO WHAT!)  I said, "Oh, it's hard.  Okay. So, you're just not going to do it because it isn't easy for you?  When did you start this?"  He shrugged his shoulders, turned away from me and started walking toward the building again.

As a parent, do you ever have days when you realize that you're sighing . . . A LOT?

As we walked my 3-year-old tried to strip.  Lifting her dress and revealing her Ariel pull-ups.  A woman with a perfectly dressed little boy gave me a look of disgust as I walked with my daughter who was practicing her stripping routine and my son who refused to tie his shoes.  She nodded towards Kaitlyn and said, "How old is she?"  I said, "She just turned 3."  The woman said, "Really?  And she's still in pull-ups."  I stopped, forcing Kaitlyn to stop and causing Logan to bump into me.  I looked this mom right in the eyes and said, "Yes, she turned 3 on Friday and sadly turning 3 didn't miraculously make her potty trained."  The woman glared at me.

Why do we, as parents, put so much of our energy into caring about what other parents are doing wrong (or what we think they are doing wrong).  Some days it seems as if we WANT other parents to fail. It's as if we wait for it and then, at their lowest, most overwhelming and exhausted point we jump out, point a finger, and shout, "Ah-ha!"  Some parents actually LOOK for fault in other parents.  Why?  If you have children you KNOW it isn't easy.  Not every family situation is the same and we are all just trying to keep our kids alive and ensure that they make it to adulthood.  So often, instead of encouragement, frazzled and exhausted parents are met with judgement and criticism.

As we walked away her son, who had to have been 5 or 6, pulled a pacifier out of his pocket and plopped it into his mouth. In a flustered voice she snapped, "Put that away until we get home!"  I smiled a Grinch-y smile because, well, it just proved that no matter how great of a parent you think you are, none of us are perfect . . . and our kids aren't perfect either.  We should be encouraging each other, helping each other, and giving each other support.  Let's remember to laugh when our child laughs so hard that he shoots soda out of his nose and then falls to the floor screaming, "It burns!  It burns!" in the middle of a crowded restaurant.  We are all doing the best we can and YOU are doing a great job!  Let's spend more time encouraging each other as parents and less time judging and criticizing.  Our kids are doing okay . . . and we are doing more than okay!  We should remind each other of that from time to time!

Selfishness Is Ugly

I listened as a friend shared how she had given up a few things in order to save up money to get a gift for a family member.  She was proud of the gift and couldn't wait to give it.  She later told me that the gift was received with much less excitement than she had hoped and that the person later mentioned that she had asked for something else and was disappointed that she didn't get it.  Sadly, I can remember doing this exact same thing to people as a teenager or in my early 20s.  However, when you're in your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s . . . etc. you should be well past this "Me, me, me," mentality. I think back on selfish moments I had as a young adult and I feel embarrassed.  Meanwhile, people twice my age are out there still doing it and not giving it a second thought.  Wow.  I just don't get that!

Where have we, as humans, gone wrong?  So many put so much time and energy into material things and their own selfish nature. Let me state that there are no laws forcing people to give you gifts for any holiday or occasion and there are certainly no laws stating that people are to give you only what you ask for. My heart went out to this friend who had gone without and saved her money to get this gift for someone only to be met with a callous heart and a twisted sense of entitlement.  Sadly, the world is full of people like this.  The above story probably reminded each of you of at least one person you know who behaves in this manner.  We tell our children that they don't get everything they want, yet there are adults who expect to get everything they want.  But wait . . . there's more!  You go out of your way to try and keep these people happy -- to do whatever it is they want (to feed their selfish nature, so to speak) . . . and they don't see it.  Instead, it wasn't EXACTLY what they wanted or exactly the way they wanted it.  They are sure to let you know about it or make you feel bad about it. There is nothing like going out of your way to try and keep another person happy -- putting their feelings before your own -- only to have them be hateful to you and treat you badly because even though you went out of your way FOR THEM, you didn't do it the exact way they wanted it done and therefore, you failed.  It was a waste of your time; a waste of energy.

Jacob and I often talk about how every person should experience a time in his or her life of being broke.  A time when you manage to pay all of your bills and then try to get that remaining little bit of your paycheck to stretch enough to feed your family until the next paycheck comes through. I think most people have experienced such a time in their lives -- I know we have.  I am thankful for this time.  It is, quite possibly, one of the best things that could have happened to us.  "Why is that?" you ask.  This brings me back to us putting our selfish nature before other people. Humans are selfish; it's just our nature. Put something shiny in front of us and we drool and start calling it, "My precious!" We want what we want and we don't care who we hurt to get it.  Sadly, some people hurt others without even knowing it. They push people away with their selfishness and (here's the funny part) they're too selfish to even notice!  (Some don't even realize this blog is about them! LOL)

I was sitting in a waiting room yesterday with my three gremlins waiting for Logan's glasses to be repaired when Logan and Kaitlyn started fighting over a toy. Alex, growing increasingly annoyed with his siblings, said to Logan, "Just give it to her."  Logan snapped, "I'm making something and I need it."  Alex, after hearing me say this so many times to them, said, "Do you REALLY need it?  You need oxygen.  You need water.  Do you really NEED that toy?"  Logan sighed and said, "No," and handed the toy to Kaitlyn.  We often get what we need and what we want confused.  Logan is an 8-year-old boy, so it's to be expected.  Adults who act in this manner are the ones who baffle me. My kids NEED to eat. My kids NEED clothes and shelter and clean water.  They don't NEED the latest video game system.  They don't NEED a room full of toys.  As an adult I don't NEED a brand new car or a giant house.  When did we lose sight of the difference between need and want?   When did we become so selfish and start putting our own wants before the feelings of others?

Look at the people in your life.  When your day comes to walk through life's exit door what will they say about you?  I am not perfect.  I don't pretend to be perfect.  I am, however, trying diligently to teach my children to put others before themselves. I'm trying to teach my children the difference between what they need and what they want.  I'm also trying to teach them to be caring, loving, understanding, and helpful.  This is what the world needs.  It has met its quota of hateful, selfish, critical people.

Let's all go do something nice for some one else today!

Beauty In The Chaos

The house is quiet.  You're sound asleep, exhausted from the day's events.  Suddenly, the silence is shattered by your toddler's cries.  The mommy gene immediately kicks in and you jump out of bed faster than a Cheetah chasing it's dinner. You hurry down the hall to your child's room and she is sitting in her bed crying.  "It's okay, baby," You say in a soothing voice.  "What's wrong?"  In a weepy tone she says, "Chickmunks."  You're "Oh, baby, it's okay," face quickly turns into an "are you kidding me, here, kid?" face.  "No, sweetie, you can't watch the Chipmunks.  It's bed time.  You need to go to sleep."  In a beautiful and perfect world your child would smile at you and say, "Okay, mommy," roll over, and go back to sleep. Let's face it, this world is far from perfect and a toddler awake in the middle of the night rarely equals beautiful.  Her mouth opens wide and you brace yourself for the horrible sound you know is coming. She screams as if you are trying to hurt her, "CHICKMUNKS!"  You sigh and lovingly rub her arm. "No.  It's bedtime," you tell her.  Her screaming quiets and you breathe a prayer of thanks that she has calmed down, hasn't woken up her father or brothers, and is going back to sleep. She looks up at you and in a pitiful little voice says, "Candy?"  Ugh. "No, honey, you can't have candy.  It's 1:00 in the morning.  You need to go to sleep."  Oh no!  Here it comes again.  Her mouth forms a frown and then quickly opens, widening, and suddenly your ears are ringing.  She is screaming again.  "CANDY!"  Really?  "Okay, kiddo. That's it.  You may not watch TV.  You may not have candy.  You MAY, however, go to sleep like a good girl. You can watch Chipmunks tomorrow.  Okay?"  You breathe a sigh of relief as her mouth closes, she wipes her eyes and nods. "Hug and kiss," she says.  You lean down and hug her. "One, two, three," she says.  You say, "Okay, one . . ." (she laughs) "two . . . three!" At three she opens her arms wide, releasing her hug and smiles up at you.  You place her favorite stuffed animal by her side and tuck her in.  Then you hurry back to your own warm bed.

You had just fallen asleep when you hear, "Mom?  Mom!"  You jerk awake and look around the room.  Your son is standing beside you, obviously upset.  You jump out of bed again and quickly lead him out of the room so he doesn't wake his father.  Once you're out of the room you ask him what is wrong.  "I had a bad dream," he says as he cries. You go to the living room, sit on the couch, you hold him and say, "Okay, tell me about it."  He tells you every little detail. When he is finished you explain that it was only a dream and a cow walking around on two feet, breaking into children's rooms, and stealing their piggy banks will never happen. Once he is calmed down and smiling you walk him back to his room, tuck him in, kiss his forehead and say, "I love you,"  He says, "I love you, too, mom," and rolls over to go to sleep.  You walk down the hall to your room, and climb back into your bed again.

Not long after you drift off the alarm goes off.  You sigh and slowly crawl out of bed, like a sloth trying to get out of a tub of peanut butter. You stumble down the hall, past the living room to the coffee bar where you pour yourself a cup of coffee.  The first cup is always the best.  You hold your warm mug in both hands and breathe it in, feeling the steam hit your face.  You take a sip and savor it.  The house is quiet. 

The moment doesn't last.  In the distance is a rumbling sound.  You freeze, listening.  There it is again.  Is that thunder?  Suddenly a loud boom echoes through the sky (and through the house).  All three children are now awake nearly 2 hours before they are supposed to be. The toddler is crying, obviously frightened, and keeps saying, "It's raining!" The middle child asks if he can get in bed with his brother because he's scared.  The oldest child says, "No, let's not do that.  I'm up.  Mom, can we just watch TV in our room?"  You shrug your shoulders.  "Sure,"  The boys run back to their room and you put a movie in for you toddler.  She then requests chocolate milk and a Pop Tart and her blankie, of course. Finally, she is happy.  You hurry back to your coffee and take another sip.  Yup, it's going to be another long day. 

I plan to embrace every minute of it (even the earthquakes)! Here's to all the awesome super moms out there!  Have a SUPER weekend! (Come on!  You KNOW you've earned it!) 

Happiness Through Thanksgiving

The older I get the more empathy and thankfulness seem to be dying.

Yesterday morning we heard a man talk about how we should do things without grumbling and complaining.  Wise words!  We all know people who are constantly complaining.  Jacob and I have always taught our children to be thankful for what they have.  No, we don't live in the nicest neighborhood in town (which, honestly, is fine with me). We don't live in a big, fancy house (again  . . . I'm okay with that).  However, we DO have a roof over our heads.  We have food on our table.  We don't sleep on the floor because we have beds; we even have blankets and pillows. My children have clean clothes and shoes.  Indoor plumbing?  Yup, we have that too.  Clean drinking water, fresh air, heating and air conditioning . . . the list goes on and on. We take a lot of things for granted, people!  We have so many things that people in other parts of the world (some right here in our own country) don't have and yet, we pout and complain because we think we deserve more.  Why?  We have what we need and them some!

Children have to be reminded from time to time that not only can they not have EVERYTHING they want, but they also need to stop and take time to be thankful for ALL that they have. I do not want to raise children who expect everything they want and feel depressed when they don't get it. That is no way to live -- and we only have one life. There is so much more to life than the amount of stuff you have! I want my children to look around and see all the things in which they have been blessed. They live in a society that focuses on material gain.  I want my children to be content with what they have and not waste precious time grumbling about what they don't have or grumbling about some one doing something that they didn't like. The truth is that some adults are far worse than children when it comes to this.

Let's stop focusing on what we don't have and start paying more attention to all that we DO have.  Let's stop filling the air around us with constant grumbling and complaining and start finding happiness by being thankful for what we have.  Let's raise a generation of happy children who see what they have instead of what they don't have.

What are YOU thankful for today?

“We would worry less if we praised more. Thanksgiving is the enemy of discontent and dissatisfaction.” 
― Harry A. Ironside

My Life Is a Sitcom

Yesterday morning I woke up feeling exhausted, which isn't the norm for me.  I thought nothing of it, drank my coffee and dived head first into my day (because, hey, I have three kids and you seriously just have to dive in).  We did the usual hustle and bustle of breakfast and getting ready for school and once the boys were at school I came home and knocked a couple of things off my to do list. I played with Kaitlyn for a bit and then put her down for a nap.

Shortly after putting her down I started to feel really fatigued again. I did what most people do.  I shrugged my shoulders and kept doing what I was doing.  Shortly after my chest started hurting.  "It has to be heartburn or something," I thought.  I took some medicine and texted Jacob at work.  Not too long after the chest pains started my right arm started to feel weird.  It felt numb and achy and tingly all at once.  This was definitely not normal.  I texted Jacob again.  I laid on the bed and actually thought, "Am I having a heart attack?"

Jacob, now concerned, called from work.  "Do you need to go to the ER?"  he asked.  I have been to the ER so many times this year that it is really just ridiculous.  I refused to go unless I absolutely had to.  I told him that I didn't think I was having a heart attack, but something wasn't right.  I told him to just go back to work and maybe it would go away.  He was all dressed up and preparing to give a presentation and we made jokes about how it was probably just indigestion.  Not too long after he called I started feeling lightheaded, dizzy, and short of breath.  I texted Jacob again and said, "You know, this isn't right.  Maybe I should get it checked out."  He said, "I'll take you in."

And he did.  I learned that if you walk into the ER and say, "I have chest pains and my left arm feels weird," they move really quickly!  They had me hooked up to 50 different things within minutes. They took X-rays and did lab work.  My blood pressure was low, so they gave me fluids via an IV. One of the RN's came in and asked what my name was, when I told him he said, "Astley?  Like Rick Astley!" and started singing a Rick Astley song.  (It's official.  My life is a sitcom.  Sadly, I'm okay with that! LOL)  After an hour or so the doctor came back in and said, "Your heart is wonderfully healthy."  I sighed in relief.  I mean, come on!  We walk around in these bodies that we are constantly told to take care of and you never know when something is just suddenly going to go horribly wrong.

(The radiologic tech had a speech impairment.  She was sweet and very cool.  I couldn't help but think of my sweet Alex and remind myself that he really CAN do anything he wants when he grows up. He has more than speech to struggle with every day, but he is strong and determined and I KNOW he can be whatever he wants to be! I really enjoyed meeting her!)

I had a sinus infection a few weeks ago which turned into pneumonia.  Apparently, the pneumonia caused inflammation around my heart. The medical term for this is "Pericarditis."  He said that sometimes it can be so inflamed that the heart has trouble beating because it's hitting the inflamed areas, but other than that it isn't too big of a concern.  He reassured me, again, that my heart and everything else was perfectly healthy and told me what to do and what medications to take until this problem goes away.

Jacob got to spend a little extra time with Kaitlyn. We learned a new medical term and learned about a medical condition we had never heard of and I, once again, added a little excitement to our already busy and exciting lives.  This is just how we roll, people. ;)

Last night after dinner Jacob said to the kids, "Your mother is taking the whole 'in sickness and health' thing really seriously."  All I could do was try not to laugh because it was just so funny.  He should get some kind of award for having to put up with me DAILY!  He is awesome and I am so thankful to have him in my life.

Now, on to new adventures!

"Diet" Is A Dirty Word!

    Well, hello there, happy eaters! I have had so many people ask me about my diet.  First of all, let me just say that in our house we don't use the term "diet."  Diet is one of those evil words that just gets people into trouble.  When you diet you cut out bad foods and eat healthy foods for a short period of time.  You get to a point where you can't stand it anymore and you binge.  It's not about dieting.  It's about a life style change. Secondly, I'm not posting this to brag, many have asked about the changes we have made in our diet and it's easier to write it in a blog than to share with each person individually. Thirdly, and quite possibly most important, I'm not judging anyone. It is not my mission to try and get others to eat better or exercise.  To each his own.  This is just a chapter in my story that I thought I'd share since so many have asked about it.

     In our house, Jacob took the lead in healthy eating last fall.  I informed him that I wasn't doing it until after Christmas because there is GOOD food around Christmastime and I didn't want to miss it.  He said, "Okay."  I enjoyed my unhealthy good food all December long and then in January it was time to get serious.  Since Jacob and I decided to make life style changes together it is much easier.  We rarely eat processed meats.  Sadly, things like bacon and deli meat are loaded with fat, salt and nitrates.  We eat meats high in protein but lower in fat--meats that are unprocessed.  We eat whole grain pasta instead of regular pasta. Bye bye white rice . . . hello whole grain rice.  We also said goodbye to salad dressings which are high in fat and calories and offer very little nutritional value. We no longer drink sodas or juice, with the exception of vegetable juice.  We go through 3 or 4 dozen eggs a week (protein, people). We eat a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables and we have cut out cheese.  GASP!  (Did I really just say that?)  Yes, cutting out cheese, which is full of fat AND cutting out salt was one of the healthier choices we made.  NOW, we DO eat cheese from time to time, maybe once every couple of weeks, but that's it.  We get our calcium and vitamin C from other dairy products as well as vegetables. We no longer eat chips or anything that is processed (with the exception of Goldfish crackers we give to our children, of course--I can no longer stand to eat them because they taste, well, processed).  We completely changed how we eat.  We still eat out from time to time and we'll grill burgers and have fries but not every week.  These changes have not only helped us to lose weight in a healthy way, given us more energy and made us feel healthier, but it has also brought us to a point where we can't stand processed food.  Yes, it's true.  We have become "those" people. It all just tastes weird now.  Even eating out isn't as fun as it once was because everything just tastes greasy or salty.  Jacob has been doing it since October and I have been doing it since January--it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change.  Those foods I just knew I'd miss?  Yeah, I don't miss them at all.

    Along with these healthier eating habits we exercise every day. I'm up by 5:30 and I exercise.   Cardio kickboxing, jumping rope, jumping jacks, chin ups, push ups, riding the exercise bike, lifting weights--it is a stress reliever and it helps wake me up before the day starts.  I now really enjoy it.  I mean, I feel healthier . . . what's not to love.  An added bonus is that our kids are learning to eat healthy and exercise through our example.

Think Happy Thoughts

“Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert

      Our lives, our decisions, the very thread of our being are ruled by our emotions.  Too often the good emotions are overlooked and the negative emotions tend to control us.  When things are going well we tend to pay no attention to it; yet, when the sidewalk starts to crumble beneath our feet and the sky opens up with cold, sharp rocks of hail that sting with each forceful hit, we come to appreciate those happy times. We long for them.  We cry out and beg to have those sunshine filled days returned to us.  Life presents itself in cycles--waves of good and bad.  Each one taking it's turn--back and forth, back and forth.  We get knocked down and sometimes we feel overwhelmed as wave after wave hits us. Eventually, the waves seem to shrink and we can, once again, laugh and play in small, gentler (dare I say, "happy") waves. 

       This past year has hit my family with wave after wave. Good waves followed by bad waves--back and forth (and so goes the pattern).  We have been covered by waves of relief and happiness and then knocked down by waves of sadness and stress.  There were times when we just wanted to lean back, let the waves pull us under and give up. Life IS hard, but our negative emotions tend to make things seem even worse. Over the past year we have learned just how strong we really are. Kaitlyn had surgery and then had to have a second surgery to fix an issue with the first surgery. Jacob has lost two grandparents in the past year (well, a little over a year). Alex saw even more specialists and had some tests run by a neurologist. We received a diagnosis that we already (sort of) knew about, but it still stung when we got that phone call breathing life into our fears and concerns.  My body was feeling left out so it started having issues of it's own.  I had surgery, have been in and out of the hospital, have had many tests (with more on the way).  The medical stuff is stressful and tiring, then you get the news that everything looks okay and you breathe a sigh of relief.  The relief is short-lived when the bills start rolling in and you're struggling to budget everything in a way that will make it all work.  The list goes on and on. What a year it has been! 

      Waves of happiness exist in this scene as well. We have been met with so many good things: a new town filled with amazing new people who have accepted us as their own, befriended us, encouraged us, prayed for us, loved us, and helped us when we have needed it.  We watched Alex come to life, in a sense, over this past year. We had no rough mornings, no begging not to go to school.  We watched him thrive. We watched his personality grow and we watched him become more outgoing and more sure of himself.  I watched my husband thrive at a higher paying job at a bigger university. 

      The really cool thing I've learned is that you don't have to be a slave to your emotions (the bad ones in any case). Sure we have a ton of medical bills we're having to make payments on and money is tight. There is medical stuff going on and other things as well (such is life). It's a stressful situation and I could sit around and worry, make myself sick over it and just feel sorry for myself. What good does that do, though?  Every storm ends--things won't always be this way. but we have enough to make ends meet--enough to feed our kids.  All of our needs are met. We're healthy.  We have a roof over our heads.  We can pay our bills. Once we learn to see the positive OVER the negative, those sunshine filled days we have been longing for can come back.  

      Focus on those bright spots--big or small.  Sure, bad things happen, but let's not forget to be thankful for the many blessings in our lives! Elizabeth Gilbert said, "Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts . . . "  So, it's simple.  Think happy thoughts, people! ;)  Here's to happy lives! 

Attention Friends

One thing I have learned over the past few years is that relationships change over time (as time becomes less and less available). We are in the same boat--running around like crazy people trying to keep up with life. Most are understanding, supportive and encouraging.  However there are a few who often say hurtful things or become annoyed because you (the friend) aren't contacting them enough (or you contact them one way, trying to make an effort and they get mad that you didn't contact them another way). I'm nice.  It takes a lot to make me no longer want to be nice to you.  Our lives may be the same or we may live in two completely different worlds.  I have a kid who can't play sports, who is still learning to do things that kids his age already know how to do, I have a schedule full of doctor's appointments, therapists, specialists and at home therapy work that keeps me hopping.  Not only this, but I have two other children who also need love and attention and I make sure they get that . . . each and every day. On top of this is the every day life stuff, you know, laundry, shopping, errands, cooking, cleaning and at the end of the day I get to sit with my husband for 30 minutes to an hour before we go to bed.  The next morning, the alarm goes off at 5:30 and we get up to do it all over again. I rarely get time to myself, much less talking to my friends every day. Not only this, but here are a few other things that I would like to share.

Please don't tell me that my son is a reminder that you have been blessed with "perfectly healthy" children.  I know people think that, but you don't say it out loud!  Alex IS perfect just the way he is--and he is an awesome blessing!

Also, don't accuse me of being a bad friend because I can't sit and shoot the breeze all the time.  We all have lives and I don't get annoyed at you when I don't hear from you (or when I DO hear from you all I hear is how busy you are), so please extend the same courtesy to me. I'm not snubbing you or ignoring you, I just have two hands that are very full at the moment and we are just trying to survive!

And, while I'm at it, please don't tell me you're tired of hearing me talk about "special needs."  You talk about your child playing sports, school, losing teeth and winning awards.  That is your world . . . special needs is mine. The older Alex gets the more issues arise and the more things we have to deal with. If you can talk about your child passing gas in the car or laughing so hard that milk comes out her nose, why can't I talk about my child's struggles and accomplishments?  I didn't know that I wasn't allowed to talk about him or that I was supposed to put a paper sack over his head and hide him away somewhere.

All children are blessings.  All parents have their own parenting issues, triumphs and failures to deal with, and we all have busy, crazy lives.  Don't get annoyed at people for not being who you think they need to be--maybe they're just trying to trudge through the muck of life right now and don't need you tossing mud balls at their head while they do it! I never said I was a perfect friend . . . or parent for that matter (Newsflash!  None of us are!). . . so please don't expect me to be!

Most of you will read this and KNOW it doesn't pertain to you. ;)  Yay!  One person said something to me and, well, here we are.  You knew when we became friends that my world was a crazy one, but that doesn't make me any less of a friend.

Oh, and one last thing . . . we're too old for this, man!  Come on!