Super Hero Chucks

Today, one of my very best friends told me to put on my Wonder Woman chucks because I am a super hero.

These shoes in which she speaks are a metaphor. The path I have walked through life has made me the person I am today.  It has made me stronger. I look at who I was at 19 or 20 years old.  Even at 24-years-old.  I have come a long way.

That young woman no longer exists, but memories of her are etched into my being.  They serve as reminders of not only how far I've come, but how strong I am.

No one understands your struggle as well as you do.  No one has walked in your shoes.  Maybe their paths have been similar, but they haven't walked it in your shoes.

Hold your head high and remind yourself that you ARE strong.

And never forget those who reach out and take your hand along the way, refusing to let go. Those who only make you feel loved and strong.  (Should they make you feel weak or bad about yourself, then let go of their hand. You only have two hands.  Reserve them for those who love you the most.  Hold tight to them!)

Never take them for granted.

Odds are, they're wearing their super hero chucks as well!

You're Super!

The laundry basket outside the boys' room is overflowing.  I typically do (on average) three loads a day and yet I still can't seem to manage to get caught up. 

I clean the kitchen and living room daily, most days two or three times. By bedtime it's a mess again.  Some days it feels like a losing battle. 

I get up early to have a little time to myself to read, work out, etc. before my children wake up.  Once they wake up it's like a gang of baby birds wanting, needing, or asking questions nonstop.  Lately, they have been getting up earlier than usual and the time to myself that I so look forward to seems to be MIA. 

I think the pile of dirty laundry has multiplied as I've typed!  

You get it.  As a mother I know that we wear similar shoes! 

You invest all of your time and energy into your children and spouse. You listen to your spouse every day after work as he talks about his day.  You offer words of encouragement or tell him he's being too hard on himself.  You remind him that you appreciate his hard work and all he does to support you and your children.  

You try to make dinner while helping two children with their homework at the same time.  You spend extra time raising a special needs child.  Helping him with everything he needs help with, getting him to appointments and therapies, meeting with others who are involved with his health, education, life. 

You fill out applications, you pay the bills, you call and handle things when something goes wrong or something needs to be dealt with. You clean the house, cook the meals, and iron the clothes.You get up in the middle of the night with a sick child. 

You encourage your children and you scold them.  You feel like a nag because they aren't listening even though you've asked them to pick up their dirty underwear three times already.  It's still there. A wad of red and black heaped over beside the desk chair.

You don't get a vacation from this job.  You don't get nights and weekends off.  That's okay, though, because you know it's all worth it.  However, there are days when you're up at 5:00 to have time to yourself and your children awaken early and want breakfast.  You tell them to go back to sleep, but they're already dressed and wide awake.  You're not sure why, but it seems they just want to sit and stare at you until you get up and help them with breakfast.  There are days when so much time and energy goes into cleaning, laundry, and your family that you're exhausted, but you feel there is nothing to show for it.  You wonder if you're wasting your time because even though you've done 5 loads of laundry today, it is still overflowing.  Your child does something to make you wonder if you're a bad parent. The list goes on and on.  

I want to take this opportunity to say that you ARE doing a fantastic job.  We all need to be reminded of this, especially on days when we feel under appreciated and last in line. It is a difficult job, but you're a pro at it. Imagine what would happen to your family if you weren't there doing all that you do?  You ARE needed and you're doing an awesome job! 

We all need to be reminded of this from time to time.  Hold your heads high, moms!  Know that you truly are a Super Mom!  

I'm off to conquer the dreaded villain in my hallway who is disguised as a stinky pile of laundry!  Tighten your capes, moms, and go be super! 

Friendship Is A Gift

Friendships are a gift.

These are people who CHOOSE to love you.  You weren't forced on them by blood or marriage.  They chose you.  (How cool is that!)  We so often forget this and treat them as far less than gifts.

The struggle is real.  (I couldn't resist using that line!)  Female relationships can be so difficult.  We just tend to be so emotional.  One thing I have learned is that some are more emotional than others.

We all have friends who are know-it-alls.  We all have friends who make everything about themselves, get offended about things that have nothing to do with them, or give us the silent treatment.  We have friends who never have anything positive to say or have expectations that are just too high.

Ladies, we are adults.  Why is it that so many grown women still act so immature?  Who has the time or the energy to behave this way?

I have two friends, both older than me, who have experienced EVERY mood I could possibly have.  They have never gotten upset with me, never made me feel bad, and never made things that I shared with them about themselves. They never tell me what to do, never criticize me, and never take my moods personally. They are always there no matter what is going on in their lives and they make me feel as if I am some one special.

Female relationships can be complicated, but they don't have to be.  Is it really so hard to just be there for each other, to love each other, and to not get bent out of shape over things (especially things that have nothing to do with you?)  Life is really too short for that.

I am no one special, but these two friends make me feel as if I AM someone special.  I have also been blessed with many other great friends who have proven themselves to be just that--great friends.  I am blessed in the friend department, that is for sure!

My prayer is that I am as great of a friend to them as they are to me (and that I make them feel just as special)!

Who do you have in your life who lifts you up or makes you feel as if you're someone special (every single day)?

Cherish and nurture the positive friendships, ladies! Tell them thank you and never forget that these great friendships are gifts (and should be treated as such)!

Seeing Yourself

Have you ever stopped to think about how others might see you?

I'll be the first to admit that most of the time I am my biggest critic as well as my own worst enemy. Surely when people see me they just see the huge nerd that I am.  A woman who loves (and has a great deal of respect for) books. A woman who enjoys writing and actually writes as often as she can in hopes of one day getting some more stories or articles published; especially a novel. A woman who loves Wonder Woman and believes that Audrey Hepburn was not only a fabulous actress and a beautiful woman, but also an amazing person.  A woman who lives in a house that does not look like an adult lives here. A woman who absolutely loves all things vintage, retro . . . OLD! A woman who loves art and color! A woman who jokes around with her children and acts goofy with them.  A woman with a plain face, stupid hair, and an imperfect body.

Wait, what?

The truth is, we can be hard on ourselves.  I have learned (and am learning more every day) that those closest to me see me in a very different way than I see myself.

I was talking to a friend this morning and she surprised me.  She said, "It must be nice to be brave enough to have such a cool place."  What?  Her comment threw me.

Without thinking, I let out an uncomfortable laugh.  She said, "No, I'm serious.  I feel like my house has to be boring and look as if adults live there."  I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Everyone has their own taste.  Some might even say that my taste is weird."  To my surprise she smiled and said, "Your place is happy."

What a great compliment!  Who cares if my house is new, big, nice, fancy, stylish . . . but happy?  That is a great word!  I love it! What better compliment for your home.  I love that she sees my home as happy!  My aunt once told me that she loved how my husband and I made our home fun for our kids.  That is partially true.  The fact is, when our kids are grown and it's just Jacob and me, we will still have the bright colors.  We will still have tons of books, art, and cool old things.  It's what we love, it's who we are, and our home reflects that.

Another person told me she loved my hair; that I look like a french artist.  Okay, well, that's cool, I guess. Now, Logan keeps telling me he "really likes my curls" and if I straighten my hair he will say, "I like it better the other way.  I like it that you look like a french artist."  Now, odds are he has no idea what a french artist is, but he thinks it sounds cool and that's good enough for me!

Yesterday, while wishing me a happy birthday, a friend actually said, "You're just an awesome person."  I laughed and said, "Thank you."  I have a bad habit of caring about how others feel.  Logan is A LOT like me in that respect.  We want to encourage people, build them up, and see them smile.  While I don't see myself as an awesome person, it has been really neat to see myself through my friends' eyes over the past couple of days.

The fun fact for today is that we are who we are.  Odds are, that person you see staring back at you from the mirror isn't the same person seen by those who love you.  I think that is pretty cool.  They see me as this great person, a person worthy of their love, worthy of their friendship, their support, encouragement, honesty, and a million other awesome things.

Be yourself, but more importantly, be happy with yourself. I have some truly amazing friends who are constantly reminding me of this.

I'm so thankful for them and thankful they see me differently than I see myself!

I Have Learned

I left the living room to put folded clothes away.  I could hear the laughter filling the house as I headed down the hallway.  It was obvious my gremlins were running around the room like crazy people.  I returned a few minutes later to find the sofa pillows on the floor.  Several of Kaitlyn's toys were strewn about, as well as two of her blankets.  The couch itself had even been shifted.  All three gremlins sat perfectly still as if they had been that way all along.  I laughed and said, "What did you guys do?"  Alex looked around and said, "What? I don't see anything."

I have learned a lot since Alex was born over a decade ago. I have learned that I can spend all day doing laundry and cleaning and at the end of the day there is no evidence of it. I have learned that Goldfish, when stepped on, crumble into such a fine powder that it sinks deep into the carpet.  It is nearly impossible to vacuum up every last crumb.  It can be done, but not without sighs and annoyed groaning! I have learned that Legos end up all over the house and hurt when you step on them.  It never fails; you WILL step on them! I have learned that when my 10-year-old is quiet it doesn't mean he feels sick or something is bothering him.  It just means he's growing up, he's not as rowdy as he once was, and he just wants me to leave him alone and stop asking him questions. I've learned that children can set a new record for how quickly they can destroy a room, but when it's time to clean it up they can drag it out all day.  I have learned that 3-year-old girls prefer to be in nothing but a pull-up when they're at home and really (honestly and truly) ARE just like little teenagers, except teenagers are potty trained!  I have learned that siblings will fight over anything.  I'm waiting for the big fight over oxygen.  It has yet to happen, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

Over the past decade I have learned that household chores can wait when your little girl looks at you with big blue eyes and says, "Mommy, you want to play with me?"  I have learned that hearing my eldest son read to me is one of my favorite things.  I have learned that 8-year-old boys really do think about things more than I ever imagined they could and might actually be more noble than most people five times their age! I have learned that time moves fast and you are forced to keep up with it! I have learned that I am raising my children in a world that is much different than the one I grew up in, yet frighteningly similar.

Every day our children wake up a day older.  Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Today is the oldest you've ever been, and the youngest you'll ever be again."  I have learned that having a clean house is ideal, but having happy children and enjoying them while they're the youngest they'll ever be again is more important.

Ah, Christmas!

Christmas is my favorite time of the year.  I love the lights, the decorations, the music, and just the magic that seems to fill the air this time of year. I love finding that perfect gift for someone and then watching their expression as they open it. I love the traditions we have started with our children.  I love baking Christmas cookies and candy with them, sipping hot cocoa while we watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and other Christmas classics.  It's just a fun time of year.

It is also a very hypocritical time of year. This thought has occurred to me over the years, but is becoming more apparent because of a certain 8-year-old gremlin.  So many shout about how Christmas' sole purpose is to celebrate Jesus' birth.  They talk about putting the "Christ" back in Christmas.  The sad fact is that most of the people shouting about the "Christ" in Christmas (NOT everyone, but A LOT) are the same ones who have actually removed Christ from the equation with their hypocrisy.  Were you really following Christ's birth you would give to those in need.  You would remember that Jesus was, in fact, Jewish.  Hmmm . . . so would he be celebrating Christmas or, perhaps, Hanakkuh (As you shout about not saying Happy Holidays because it offends you).

You put up Christmas trees in your home, which derives from the Winter Solstice, which is (gasp) a Pagan holiday. Snowmen, reindeer, Santa, elves, gingerbread men, wreaths, Christmas lights . . . all fun, all pretty, and all have absolutely nothing to do with Christ's birth. Taking it a step farther, your church has a Christmas Eve service so that you and your family, (who, don't forget, shout about keeping the Christ in Christmas) can go worship and, dare I say, CELEBRATE Christ's birth.  You don't go, though.  You, instead, take 5 minutes to read the Christmas story and then toss the book aside and say, "Who wants to pass out presents?"

People get loans to pay for things that their children don't need, yet when we see someone who is truly in need, we turn away and claim we can't afford to help.  I once read that if you truly believe that Christmas is about Jesus' birth, then you should be giving a lot away.  If you have two coats give one of them to someone who doesn't have a coat.  We gather with families and set out more food than we can all eat.  Sadly, a lot of that food gets thrown away while so many (in our own communities) are going hungry.

You want Christ to be in Christmas but when people ask you to give you puff out your chest and argue that you work hard for your money and instead of you following Jesus' example and giving, they should just get jobs.  Well, okay, you're entitled to your opinion, but what about that 6-year-old girl who comes home from school and goes to bed hungry because there is no food?  Or that 11-year-old boy who never wears a coat because his mom couldn't afford to buy him one?

We shout about keeping Christ in Christmas, yet we are the first ones to remove him by our selfish actions and comments. To those of you who speak of keeping Christ in Christmas and you give of your time, you give money, you serve, you help and you try to follow Christ's example -- thank you.  To those who shout about keeping Christ in Christmas, yet, you yourself do NOT keep Christ in Christmas, let me just remind you that you are the example for our children . . . WE are the example for our children.

I have an 8-year-old who is very observant and thinks about everything.  He has started asking me why certain people he is around talk about God and giving, but they do the opposite.  He has really made us think -- and notice other's actions. I encourage us all to practice what we preach.  Remember . . . the world is watching.  What is it they see when they look at you?

More Than Okay

We got out of the van after school and I noticed that my soon-to-be 10-year-old's shoes were untied.  The strings were just waving and bouncing all over the place, just begging to be stepped on so they could trip their wearer.  He started walking towards the building and I said, "Wait!  Your shoes are untied."  He said, "Yeah, I know.  They've been like this all day."  It was one of those moments when I stood there trying to get my "mom brain" to decode what my child was saying.  He stared at me waiting for a response.  Finally, I asked, "Well, why didn't you tie them?"  He rolled his eyes and said, "I don't know how."  I'll admit, I laughed.  I said, "You DO know how to tie your shoes."  He sighed and said, "Yeah, but it's hard."  WHAT? (In his defense, it IS hard, but . . . and I mean this with all the love in my heart . . . SO WHAT!)  I said, "Oh, it's hard.  Okay. So, you're just not going to do it because it isn't easy for you?  When did you start this?"  He shrugged his shoulders, turned away from me and started walking toward the building again.

As a parent, do you ever have days when you realize that you're sighing . . . A LOT?

As we walked my 3-year-old tried to strip.  Lifting her dress and revealing her Ariel pull-ups.  A woman with a perfectly dressed little boy gave me a look of disgust as I walked with my daughter who was practicing her stripping routine and my son who refused to tie his shoes.  She nodded towards Kaitlyn and said, "How old is she?"  I said, "She just turned 3."  The woman said, "Really?  And she's still in pull-ups."  I stopped, forcing Kaitlyn to stop and causing Logan to bump into me.  I looked this mom right in the eyes and said, "Yes, she turned 3 on Friday and sadly turning 3 didn't miraculously make her potty trained."  The woman glared at me.

Why do we, as parents, put so much of our energy into caring about what other parents are doing wrong (or what we think they are doing wrong).  Some days it seems as if we WANT other parents to fail. It's as if we wait for it and then, at their lowest, most overwhelming and exhausted point we jump out, point a finger, and shout, "Ah-ha!"  Some parents actually LOOK for fault in other parents.  Why?  If you have children you KNOW it isn't easy.  Not every family situation is the same and we are all just trying to keep our kids alive and ensure that they make it to adulthood.  So often, instead of encouragement, frazzled and exhausted parents are met with judgement and criticism.

As we walked away her son, who had to have been 5 or 6, pulled a pacifier out of his pocket and plopped it into his mouth. In a flustered voice she snapped, "Put that away until we get home!"  I smiled a Grinch-y smile because, well, it just proved that no matter how great of a parent you think you are, none of us are perfect . . . and our kids aren't perfect either.  We should be encouraging each other, helping each other, and giving each other support.  Let's remember to laugh when our child laughs so hard that he shoots soda out of his nose and then falls to the floor screaming, "It burns!  It burns!" in the middle of a crowded restaurant.  We are all doing the best we can and YOU are doing a great job!  Let's spend more time encouraging each other as parents and less time judging and criticizing.  Our kids are doing okay . . . and we are doing more than okay!  We should remind each other of that from time to time!