Making Peace With The Mirror!

Today, while walking to my car in a parking lot, a young man whistled at me and then yelled something at me stating that he liked a certain part of my body.  Completely inappropriate but, as a soon-to-be 35-year-old woman with three kids, a little part of me liked that a stranger didn't find me completely repulsive!  I shared this incident with my best friend and made a joke about how the young man must need glasses.  She didn't find my joke funny.  I also shared it with another bestie of mine who responded by rolling her eyes. This friend is constantly calling me "hot mama" and is a great self esteem booster.  She always tells me she loves my hair or that I'm pretty--well, just being called "hot mama" on a regular basis by your friend will make one smile.  LOL  My best friend is constantly telling me that she thinks I'm gorgeous and wishes I could see myself the way others see me.  I have thought about their reactions some today and came to this conclusion:  It's time to make peace with the mirror.  By doing that I would, in turn, have to make peace with myself, right?

In an earlier post I stated that I was going to accept myself.  My best friend has already taken the liberty of reminding me of that post.  I have read about women going on a mirror fast.  That is all well and good but what happens when, one day, your fast is over and you find yourself, once again, looking at your reflection.  The mirror isn't the problem--it's merely a piece of glass.  The way we see ourselves is the problem.  And for me, it IS a problem.  I never leave the house thinking, "I look so good!"  I leave the house thinking, "I guess I look okay."  And, honestly, I'm more than happy to go through the day without one person noticing me.

So, I have decided to make peace with my mirror. I know these two amazing friends aren't going to leave me alone until I do. My husband agrees with them and is constantly telling me that I'm "mean" to myself because I don't look in the mirror and see a pretty woman staring back at me.  I just see . . . me.   I may not be on the cover of magazines but lets be honest, how many women really are?  It's time to look in the mirror and see myself the way those closest to me see me.
It's time to make peace with the mirror . . .

. . . and with myself.  

Happy New Year!

Kaitlyn and me on New Year's Eve--just me, no make up or anything.  I wasn't intending to have my picture taken, but she and I were having a lot of fun and Alex thought we needed a picture! And you know what?  I'm okay with that. ;)

I have been reading people's new year's resolutions.  I don't really do the whole resolutions thing because most of the time life gets busy and they get pushed aside, if not forgotten completely. At least in my world. The new year does make me think about my life, though.  And I have been doing a lot of thinking.  So instead of making resolutions for a new year I want to just share some of things I want.  

First, I want to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.  So many times the mirror and I just do not get along.  It seems cruel and hateful--truth is, it is MY reflection and it is MY mind that is cruel and hateful, not the poor mirror's. I am my own worst critic and so often I look in the mirror and hate what I see.  I want to start looking in the mirror and being happy with the image staring back at me. I told my best friend, Denisa, one day that I am ugly and needed to lose weight and let my hair grow out--more hair, less weight.  The truth is.  I like my hair short.  Some days I don't like how I look with short hair but it's so easy to fix. And one of my best friends, Brittani, tells me EVERY SINGLE TIME she sees me that she LOVES my hair. So, I think I've decided to keep it short. To embrace it for the cool haircut it is and stop feeling like such an ugly person all the time! I'm no Anne Hathaway but as far as I can tell, people aren't screaming and running from me as I walk towards them. ;) 

Secondly, I want to accept myself for who I am.  The world bombards us with images and ideas of who we should be, what we should wear, what we should like/enjoy.  In 2013 I will be 35 years old. Wow.  It's time to embrace who I am and enjoy what I enjoy. I'm a book nerd who enjoys writing.  I love coffee and all things vintage.  I enjoy old movies, art, literature, and cooking.  I am not a super model.  I am not a famous person.  I am a not a brilliant writer.  Jacob and I always say, "It is what it is."  Well, in this respect, I am who I am. Take me or leave me, but don't try to change me. ;) 

Thirdly, I do want to get back into the habit of kickboxing. Jacob got me the cool pink gloves for the punching bag and it is one of the things I enjoy doing. Since I had Kaitlyn finding the time to actually go out to the garage and do kick boxing seems harder, but I want to try and MAKE time for that. It is one thing I miss.  I love having the music blasting and punching and kicking the punching bag.  It's great for stress and everything else life throws at you. It's also great exercise and, let's face it, I'm not getting any younger. 

Finally, I want to be the best mom to my three gremlins that I could possibly be.  I love spending time with them and just being near their energetic, imaginative, big heart-ed world.  They make me smile each and every day and I want them to know that their mother loves them more than life itself.  Each year as I get older, they get older too.  I want to cherish every moment I can with them and be sure they know they are loved far more than they could ever imagine.  

2013 is here.  What kind of year will YOU make it?  I wish all of my wonderful friends and family a fabulous year filled with love, laughter, and happiness! 

The Proposal

Day 4.

One of my favorite Christmas memories took place in 2001.  Jacob and I had plans with my friend, Amy, and her husband, Corey.  We went to their house to hang out and talk.  Jacob had bought an engagement ring for me and I knew he had it with him.  I was so excited.  I had talked to Amy earlier that day and told her Jacob had the ring and maybe today was the day.  (You know how girls are--ha ha).  So, when we got to their house and Jacob and Corey were talking Amy pulled me aside and said, "Well?  Did he propose?"  I said, "No" and she was obviously disappointed.  HA HA.  So, we hung out for a while and then we left.  That night, just a few days before Christmas, Jacob got down on one knee and pulled out the ring.  He looked me right in the eyes and told me he loved me and asked me to marry him.  I, of course, said, "Yes" and here we are today.  HA HA. It was THE best Christmas gift I received that year and one of my favorite Christmas memories!

A Month of Christmas Memories

Last month several people I know wrote blogs or posted on facebook every day listing things they were thankful for. It is a great way to actually stop and think about all the blessings in our lives and how much we DO have to be thankful for.  This month, I am going to do the Christmas memories challenge.  Every day I share one of my favorite Christmas memories.  This should be fun!  I missed a couple of days so I'm going to do the last three days (memories) all on today's post.  

Here we go . . . 

1. One of my favorite Christmas memories from my childhood took place every year on Christmas Eve.  When I was little Santa would come to my grandparents' house.  I think my Grandpa Jack loved it just as much as we did.  We would open presents with the whole family and then my Aunt Vickie and Uncle Dave would take all of us kids out to look at Christmas lights.  We would drive around and look at them for an hour or so. While we were out my aunt, mom, and grandmother would set out all the Christmas snacks and goodies and Santa would come and leave all of our gifts from him.  Christmas lights just have a magical feel to them.  Sitting in the back seat with my brother and cousins all bundled up with my aunt and uncle acting just as excited about it as we were is one of my favorite memories. Then, we would drive back to my grandparents and hurry out of the car so excited to get inside and see what Santa had left for us.  Uncle Dave is no longer with us.  We lost him in 2001 to cancer but he was such a fun man and he really made an impression on us kids as we all drove around "oohing" and "ahhing" over the Christmas lights.

2. There was one year that it snowed on Christmas Eve.  I can't remember what year it was--sometime in the 80s.  lol.  It was the year my brother and I got our desks with our names on them for Christmas.  I remember sitting at the desks in my grandparents' house and watching the snow fall through the huge sliding glass doors in my grandparents' living room as the fire in the fireplace snapped and crackled.  

3. Alex's first Christmas was a lot of fun for us. He was born 2 days after Christmas so he was nearly a year old when we celebrated his very first Christmas.  He wore a cute red and navy striped half zip sweater, corduroy pants and Tommy Hilfiger boots.  My grandpa Jack also had on a red shirt because it was Christmas Eve.  My grandpa had this rocking chair that he ALWAYS sat in--this chair is currently in our house and we use it to rock Kaitlyn.  He sat in this chair in front of the Christmas tree with the lights blinking and glowing and he held Alex.  I think my Aunt Karla is the one who took this picture of him holding Alex and they are looking at each other.  It is one of my favorite pictures!  It was obvious that my boys loved my Grandpa Jack just as much as I did! 

A Day Of Thanks

It is that time of year again.  Time to stop and take a moment to see the many blessings in your life and to be thankful for them.

Every year on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving we have our own little Thanksgiving feast here--just us--before we load up the van and travel the next day to spend Thanksgiving with our families. Jacob and the boys really enjoy it and this will be Kaitlyn's first year to eat thanksgiving foods.  We have turkey, of course, and I make homemade cornbread dressing and homemade mashed potatoes and gravy.  We always have green bean casserole at other gatherings so I make Sautee'd Brussels Sprouts instead. We have a relish tray for a certain 6-year-old boy who loves pickles, black olives, and cranberry sauce.  We also have dinner rolls.  For dessert we have--every year--pumpkin and pecan pie with Cool Whip. It is a lot of work but my family loves it and that is all that matters to me.  It is a chance for us all to be together to celebrate something special and be thankful for each other, the food we are eating, and everything that we have and everyone in our lives. It is important to me to be thankful for all I have but to also teach my children to be thankful. Each night before bed they pray and thank God for one thing.  It is so cute.  One day Logan was telling me about a kid at school who had holes in his shoes but his parents wouldn't buy him new shoes.  I said, "Maybe they can't afford to by new shoes for him right now." That night Logan thanked God for shoes that don't have holes in them and it really touched my heart.

This past year started with our eldest having surgery.  Kaitlyn was hospitalized this year and a lot has happened.  We are thankful for so much this year! I am especially thankful for our families and for my closest friends and my very best friend for reminding me (again) today that instead of focusing on the stress factor of traveling for holidays with small children I need to be thankful I have a family to travel home to.  I need to be thankful for that time with them.  Wise words from a wonderful friend!

Happy Thanksgiving, world!  May we all take a minute to focus on all our many blessings.

A Decade!

This man--to say I love him is an understatement.  Today is our 10 year wedding anniversary and I still get butterflies in my stomach and feel a smile creep across my face when I think about him.  Some days I feel like a silly little school girl who is crushing on a boy.  I LOVE this man. He is respectful, caring, and funny.  He still makes me feel like I'm some one special after all these years.  He helps me around the house and thanks me for all I do for him and the kids.  He is encouraging and listens to me when I'm rambling on and on about stuff I know he could care less about.  LOL He still opens doors for me and when we go on dates, just the two of us, he will still open my car door for me. He is the best father to our three children--I love watching him with our kids.  My heart is his and I couldn't imagine a world without his smile, his strong arms holding me, or his laugh when he's playing with the kids. He is a friend to every one and never treats anyone badly or acts snobbish towards them.

When I first met Jacob I thought he was cute.  He tried so hard to get to know me and I just kind of didn't give him the time of day.  I was at a point in my life where I just didn't trust anyone and I had a lot of baggage and was kind of a mess.  I remember he would stand by the vending machines and wait for me every day before one of my classes and while I was getting a soda and candy out of the machine he'd talk to me.

We became friends and I realized that he really was a super great guy--and he was cute, too.  How often does that happen?  ;)  One day he said, "Would you want to get together and do something fun, just as friends?"  We did and it was a blast.  That night he asked me out.  I couldn't stop smiling.  He put up with a lot while dating me and he stuck around.  To this day I claim that he saved me from myself--and in a way, he did.

I can't believe it has already been 10 years since our wedding day and over 12 years since we started going out.  I love him more than words can express and I look forward to spending many, many more years with him!

You Can't Judge A Book By Its Cover

We have all heard this saying.  Sometimes we even hear it from the most judgmental people. Regardless of who says it, it is a very true saying.  We encounter different people every day.  We meet people who seem to have it all together and we do one of three things.  We either envy them or we find that we like them because they are happy and stress-free or we are jealous of them.  "They haven't been through what I've been though."

The truth is, there are a lot of people out there walking around with secrets.  Secrets from their past that they hold tightly because they want you to think they have it all together.  One of my favorite movies is Bride Wars.  There is a scene where Emma tells Liv that she doesn't have to have it all together all the time.  Nobody does and if you know some one who does they are either lying or just doing a very good job of covering it up.

We can't use our past as an excuse for why our lives haven't turned out the way we wanted.  That woman you encounter at your child's day care who is always happy and friendly and seems to have it all together--she has a very dark past that she had to work very hard to overcome.  Some days she sits and cries and feels weak and then she gets up, wipes away her tears, and forces a smile.  And, as they say, life goes on.

I am writing this little rant because this week I have encountered more than one person who just seem bitter because people they know are happy.  "If you had been through what I've been through then you'd understand."  This makes me smile and it always makes me want to say, "Try me."  Yes, I had a wonderful childhood filled with fond memories, but we all grow up and sometimes we don't make the best decisions and these decisions get us into trouble or worse--situations that we never imagined we'd find ourselves in.  It happens and it happens every day.  The difference is that some people choose to get up and take their lives back and CHOOSE to be happy while others choose to just wallow in the dirt and slime.

So, the next time you see that happy woman don't judge her and claim she is happy today because she has had an easy life.  Remember, you can't judge a book by it's cover. Whether or not your life has been easy is not the key to happiness.  You have to make a choice. So, what do you choose?  Are you going to be happy or continue being miserable and blame a hard past on that misery?

Something to think about, perhaps?
Yeah, that's what I'm here for. ;)