Say What?

I read a status on Facebook this morning from a mother who stated that her child had homework over the Christmas break and she forgot about it. She wrote that the teacher better give her child another chance or this teacher's day was going to go south really quickly.

Really?

I had to read it three times to be sure I wasn't imagining it.  What is going on with some parents today?  We don't encourage our children to do what they are supposed to do.  Why would the 11-year-old remind his mom that he had this assignment due?  I'm sure he knew he could just not do it over the break and his mother would be rude to the teacher and get him more time.  When I was a child we did our work or we got a bad grade.  If I got a bad grade I was punished because it was my fault for not turning in my work, or not studying for a test.  In our house, our two boys know that they have to do their homework when they get home.  Starting today Alex's class has a new rule--if you don't turn in your homework you get a zero instead of an extension.  I can honestly say that we predict some zeros in Alex's future--he has a habit of shoving his homework in his desk and never bringing it home. Alex is 9.  He knows the rules and we have reminded him again and again that if he doesn't turn in his homework he gets a failing grade--and with failing grades he loses privileges. He sighs and says, "I know."  Should this happen and Alex starts receiving failing grades because he isn't doing his work we will not harass the teacher.  We will, instead, punish our son and encourage him to do the things that are expected of him. He will learn far more from receiving zeros from incomplete work than he ever will from not doing it and being told it's okay.

It doesn't end with school work.  My boys take out the trash every day.  If they don't take it out when they get home from school they get to take it out in the dark and much cooler temperatures. We are not going to say, "Well, it's dark out so don't worry about it, but please try to remember tomorrow."  Children are not fools.  Why would they remember when they could just not do it and then when it's dark be told not to worry about it?  I remember telling the boys to take out the trash one evening and it was already dark.  Logan said, "But it's dark outside."  I said, "Well, maybe tomorrow you will remember to take out the trash before it gets dark."  He sighed and said, "Okay," and then took out the trash. The next day when he got home from school, he put his back pack and coat away and then reminded Alex that they needed to take out the trash before it got dark. I hate to say it but a lot of parents are raising lazy children.  We baby them and if they don't want to do something, then we don't make them. What kind of adults will we have if we don't demand our children do the work that is required of them?  How can we expect them to keep jobs and actually function as adults if we, as parents, are constantly coming to their rescue, babying them, and telling them they don't have to do things they don't want to do?  The mother I mentioned above was ready to be rude to the teacher because her child didn't want to do the work over Christmas break. A teacher assigns something and the students don't care because if they don't want to do it, they don't have to do it. I really don't understand this.

I am not saying that I am a perfect mother.  I am far from perfect.  I adore my children! I find myself hugging them, kissing their heads, telling them how cute they are, how much I love them and how happy they make me.  I also make them put their folded laundry away, clean their rooms, make their beds, put their dishes away and take out the trash.  I make them sit and do their homework (if they bring it home) and I make my eldest attend his therapy sessions even when he protests. If I don't think they brushed their teeth long enough or well enough I make them go back to the bathroom and do it again. Sure, they complain and I use the age old line, "You should have done it right the first time."  It works.  Life is full of things that are less than fun; things that we don't want to do.  How can we expect to raise independent, hard working children when we tell them they don't have to do what is expected if they don't want to?

Parenting isn't easy, but neither is life--I want my children to be prepared! They won't be children forever. Here is to all of the awesome parents out there who adore their children and still make them do what is expected of them!

Do What You Want, It's Still Going To Be Wrong!

Ah, the adventure of parenting. I have recently come to the realization that, in today's society, it is nearly impossible to be a good parent. Let me explain.

I was at the store the other day and a frazzled woman was buying groceries with her two children--a toddler who was screaming and an older child who was begging for a box of Lucky Charms.  "But, mom!  It has marshmallows!"  The mom sighed and kept moving, forcing the child, who was now protesting, to move along with her.  I noticed two older women glaring at the mother disapprovingly and a young couple watching her in disbelief.  Let me tell you what they all were thinking.  The older women were shocked that a mother would let her children behave in such a way in a public place.  I can see one whispering, "My children NEVER behaved that way!" and the other one nodding in agreement.  The young couple were also surprised and were thinking, "My children will never act like that."  (Just FYI, young people, you WILL eat those words.)

There was another time I was in a store and a woman's child was whining about something and the mom grabbed the child, pulled her aside, and she snapped, "I said, NO and I don't want to hear another word about it or you WILL get a spanking when you get home."  Two young women who were over dressed for grocery shopping literally let their jaws drop and one said, "People are still spanking their children?"  No, because in today's society you are not supposed to punish bad behavior--you are only supposed to reward good behavior.  Yup, that works.

I was playing with Kaitlyn outside of Big Lots one evening while my boys were ringing bells with some sweet friends for the Salvation Army.  Kaitlyn was running up and down the sidewalk and I was right beside her. When she got as far as I wanted her to go I playfully grabbed her, swung her around and planted her feet gently back on the sidewalk facing the opposite direction where she giggled and took off again.  After doing this a few times and getting a couple of looks from some of the people near us, I stopped.  I had this thought that someone would call the cops and tell them I was abusing my child outside of Big Lots.

No matter what you do as a parent, someone is judging you.  People disapprove if you don't discipline your child in public. Should you decide to pull your child aside and try to discipline him or her in public, still people disapprove.  I guess we are supposed to raise our children in caves and release them into the world on their 18th birthdays. (Thank God for those older women who smile encouragingly and, dare I say, understandingly, when our child acts up in public.)

So, God bless all of you parents out there because no matter what you do, you're doing something wrong . . . and yet, somehow, we all have good kids who will one day grow up and be mature and hardworking members of society.

Go figure.

Stressful Days

There is an episode of The King of Queens where Doug says something to Carrie and she turns around, glares at him, and then barks at him in a growl-y voice. Jacob and I have seen this many times and we laugh so hard.

Well, today, that glaring, growling person is me.  The romantic and fun snow day is over.  That was yesterday and today is a new day . . . a stressful and tiring day.  And I let my bad attitude get the better of me.  The house is a mess and that always makes me feel grumpy.  The toddler has entered a new phase where she strips at bedtime or nap time and then uses the bathroom in her bed.  It has gotten to the point where when I go in and find her naked, if she has only urinated in her bed, I'm relieved.  When I find her naked and she says, "Uh oh, mama.  Poo poo" and then points and says, "Yuck."  I have to take a minute to gather up the will power to, yet again, deal with "yuck." I cannot get caught up on laundry because there is always baby bedding to wash--with each nap, each morning after she wakes up.  It seems to never end.  I have nightmares of drowning in poop-y blankets, pillows and loveys while a giant toddler with big blue eyes and bouncy curls laughs evilly above me.

Today has not been the best day and I found myself sighing a lot and wanting to run from the house screaming.  It is the busiest month of the year and Alex (finally) starts his therapies two or three times a week next week . . . on top of all this I am afraid we are going to have to start potty training as well, which is fine.  I'm all for not having to change diapers any more, but I'm not happy with the timing.  I have spent the day feeling more stressed than usual, being grumpy and wishing for just 30 uninterrupted minutes to myself.

On days like this I DO have to take that time, take a deep breath, and remind myself that while this parenting gig isn't always easy, these little people who seem to adore me (at least for now) as much as I adore them ARE a blessing.  It's not always fun and it's sometimes messy . . . okay, very messy with a side of stinky . . . but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Having a toddler run at you with a giant smile on her face and hug you so tight and kiss you on the cheek, an 8-year-old randomly tell you that you're a good mom and a 7-year-old hug you and say, "I just love you, mom."  Yeah . . . totally worth it! ;)

Working on my attitude and praying for a better day tomorrow.  ;)

They Lived Happily Ever After

 As little girls we learn all about fairy tales. At the end of every story it states, "And they lived happily ever after," as they kiss or get married or ride off into the sunset.

But . . . then what?  They lived happily ever after . . . and then what?  Life just doesn't stop after the beloved characters fall in love.  Oh, no, technically, this is just the beginning of the story!  Prince Charming has to get a job and Snow White is in the bathroom dealing with morning sickness.  The laundry is piled up, the dwarves are fighting, the car won't start.  Life is not a fairy tale.  Or . . . is it?

This past Saturday, November 16th, Jacob and I celebrated our 11 year anniversary.  Well, technically, we didn't really celebrate.  We acknowledged it and instead celebrated our daughter's 2nd birthday with family.  (We have plans to celebrate this Saturday, but that is neither here nor there.)  When Jacob and I got married it was just like everything I learned as a child in all the fairy tales I had heard.  I found my prince, he asked me to marry him, I got to wear a beautiful gown and with little cherubs buzzing around us I said, "I do," and we lived happily ever after.  Right?  It strikes me as funny that in the movies and the stories when the guy gets the girl that is the end, but really it's the beginning, isn't it?

Jacob and I have been together for over 13 years, married for 11 years.  We have three kids and life is far from boring.  We try to make time for each other every evening.  We have a date on the couch where we sit together and watch a show or two before heading to bed. I see this man working hard every day to support his family, to fix things around the house and make sure vehicles are running properly. He makes time for his kids and he helps me around the house. He surprises me when I least expect it.

Sure, there are days when a vehicle won't start, something is leaking, something is broken, the laundry seems to multiply as if by magic, the kids are all unhappy or sick, and money always seems to be tight.  Yet, at the end of every day, I tuck my kids into bed, kiss them on the forehead and walk down the hall.  And there he sits. When he sees me he holds his arm up, inviting me to sit beside him. He smiles and his eyes meet mine and all those butterflies I had 13 years ago when we were dating come fluttering back to my stomach.  We sit together and talk for a little bit and then watch TV for about an hour, all snuggled up together.

And even with everything life throws our way, we actually, really DO live happily ever after.

Tight Budget CAN Equal Happiness!

As a mother, I know what it's like to try and keep a tight budget, keep up with the laundry, the house cleaning, cooking meals (on a tight budget), helping with homework and school projects, attending school meetings and assemblies, shopping for groceries (again, on a tight budget) and birthday and/or Christmas gifts (yup, on a tight budget).  I also know what it's like to have to take all three children to doctor's appointments--quite often.  You have your dentist and eye doctor, your pediatrician, but we also have a neurologist, pediatric orthopedic, speech therapists, occupational therapists, tutors, all three of my children have had surgery and two of them have had surgery in just the past 5 months . . . they keep me busy!

We moved to a new town a few months ago and expenses have all been higher.  However, you will not hear us complaining because the house is bigger and better than what we had and we love how beautiful this town is!  We also live on one income because so much of my time is occupied with doctor's appointments and therapies.  But, that saying, "Money isn't everything," is so true.  We are happy.  We have everything we need and it has been so much fun for the kids and for us to come up with creative things to do as a family. I remember hearing stories that my grandparents once told me about how life was when they were children.  My grandpa talked about the few toys he had as a child and I remember thinking, "That's it?  How sad."  He didn't seem to think so.  He said that they appreciated all that they had and took nothing for granted.

I look at the world around me and I see that we take a lot for granted.  We seem to think that we deserve to have all of these things.  Spending money, having things . . . it makes us happy, right?  While we haven't been able to afford a lot of things or spend a lot of money on things we don't need, I have learned that this isn't exactly true.  I think my grandfather's family had it right.  We don't need a house full of things or a brand new, expensive car.  We don't need to live in a mansion.  Imagination, creativity, laughter and love are better than filling my childrens' rooms with store bought stuff they say they want (Not that they don't have rooms full of toys, but you get my point, right?).  My children are learning to appreciate all they have and are learning what is important in life.

While it is stressful at times for money to be so tight, it has actually been a great lesson for all of us and (dare I say) a blessing. Money can buy a lot of stuff, but it can't buy happiness.  Instead of focusing on all that we want we are now focusing on all that we have--and we are so thankful for it all!

And, let me tell you, right now . . . we are happy!

Count Your Blessings

When I was little we spent a lot of time at my grandparents'.  I remember watching Wheel Of Fortune while eating homemade pizza, tacos, hot dogs, or some other kid-friendly food that my grandma made for us.  She'd always add sugar to our cereal at breakfast time and I loved it!  She always had honey buns as well, because sugar in your cereal isn't enough, you have to have a honey bun to go along with it.  My grandparents had this yard filled with trees and bushes.  My brother and I would always imagine we were on some adventure (Imagine Lord of The Rings) with swords fighting some monster.  If it was cold my grandpa would build a fire, he'd scoop up some ice cream for us.  He had these cookies he ate every morning with his coffee.  We all called them "grandpa cookies" and he LOVED when we would come to him and ask, "Grandpa?  Can I, please, have a grandpa cookie?"  He'd smile at me, lean forward and pat his cheek with his index finger. I'd kiss his cheek and he'd hand me a cookie. There are so many memories of my grandparents, including my grandma's way of teaching us to be thankful for all that we had. I remember whining about something we wanted but didn't get one day while at my grandparents'.  Grandpa was outside working on something and grandma was listening to us complain.  She let us complain for a few minutes and then she started singing from the kitchen, "Count your blessings, name them one by one.  Count your blessings, see what God has done.  Count your blessings, name them one by one.  Count your many blessings see what God has done."  I won't lie to you.  I started giggling.  Having your grandma break out in song as if you were inside a musical was strange and funny to me.  She said, "You should think about all that you have and not so much on what you don't have."  How right she was.

This afternoon I was in the kitchen peeling and chopping potatoes for a yummy, Creamy Potato and Bacon Soup for dinner.

Suddenly, I hear Logan humming and I realize what song it is.  He was sitting at his desk, eating marshmallows (his snack choice) and was just humming away.  "Count your blessings, name them one by one."  I smiled at him and said, "I like that song."  He said, "Me too!" 

So often we get caught up in everything that is going wrong.  Life is filled with little stress factors and annoying inconveniences.  And, sadly, we humans seem to think that we should have everything we want. Jacob and I both try to teach our children to be thankful for all that they have (especially this time of year when they are bombarded with new Christmas toys and games and we constantly hear, "I want that!").  It's time to stop and look around and name all of our many blessings one by one!

And . . . how very blessed we are!

The Audrey Hepburn Lesson

As most of you know, I love Audrey Hepburn.  I know she passed away 20 years ago from colon cancer, but I still love her.  I love her movies because they are classy, smart and, for the most part, fun. I not only like her because of her movies and her acting, but because of who she was as a human being.  Those closest to her claimed she was humble, giving, and kind.  She had a reputation of being charming, which was hard to miss. She was the epitome of glamorous, classiness, and a number of other things.  She was (and still is) well loved. She had a love for children and was a special ambassador to UNICEF.  Her eldest son stated once that she lost a lot of weight during this time because she refused to eat if the children around her couldn't eat and would often give up her food to the starving children. I know she wasn't perfect, no one is, and I'm trying to make her out to be perfect, but it seems she was not only beautiful on the outside but on the inside as well.  

While she was well loved and many saw her as this glamorous person, she didn't feel the same.  She thought her nose was too big.  She thought her feet were too big.  She thought she was too thin.  Her son even stated that she would look in the mirror and ask why people thought she was pretty.

Do I have a point?  Yes.  Yes, I do have a point.  We all look in the mirror and see things we don't like. I too, look in the mirror and think my nose is too big, among other things.   I think Audrey Hepburn was a beautiful woman, yet, she didn't agree.  Do you see where I'm going with this? EVEN the beautiful Audrey Hepburn didn't see herself as beautiful. There were even accounts of a couple of people she worked with who stated that they did not think she was beautiful but she "Moved people" and that was a great thing to have in a star.

So, the next time you look in the mirror and find NOTHING you like, remember that the beautiful Audrey Hepburn couldn't find much to like about herself either.  The next time some one makes a negative comment about you and it stings, remember that there were people who didn't think Audrey Hepburn was beautiful.  Look in the mirror and remind yourself that beauty is in the eye of the beholder . . . and it's not a competition.  I don't have to be tall to be beautiful.  I don't have to be tan to be beautiful.  I can have a nose that I think is too big.  A nose that is crooked.  I can have freckles and huge eyes and a goofy smile and STILL be beautiful.

It's easy to forget this.  I have a friend who NEEDS to be reminded of this right now and this blog entry is for her.  You ARE beautiful. The mirror is a cruel liar sometimes . . . it's time to set it straight. ;)